Elena 
My Birthday is coming up in a few short weeks. This is a big one. It’s not the kind of birthday where you can just sort of tuck the number into your head and not think about it for a while. It’s the kind of birthday that has tons of mail coming every week – and I don’t mean birthday cards! Instead the mail consists of actual reminders from the government. This is the birthday to make some decisions about my health care and mandatory notifications about deductions and stuff.
It’s not that I can’t accept aging. I know that I have fewer years left in front of me than behind me. I’ve embraced the gray hair – in fact I’ve never colored my hair, not even once. But this birthday could change things – in fact, things have changed slowly over the past few years since the pandemic. Here are some of the observations I’ve been musing over.
1. No one appreciates an older woman who continues to try to be decades younger than her actual age. A woman of size is more more easily accepted today than a woman in her 60s. That’s why Madonna is fighting so hard – she’s up against Lizzo!
2. Older women who decide to go classic or vintage have a much better time of it. Helen Mirren is a perfect example. But women who revisit their roots from a renewed perspective are also well received. (BTW, I just purchased this from Melissa Gilbert’s new business, Modern Prairie!)
3. To remain relevant you can’t rest on your laurels – because younger people don’t care about them. I was rudely made aware of that during the pandemic. A new director of one of my music groups came to power. Despite having done a large program just two years earlier, he said that my services weren’t welcome. I had to fight to get my place back, and even then I had to return in a diminished position. I decided to bide my time and I persevered because things change – they always do.
I’m not going to be shy about going after what I want any more.
4. Older women have to continue to work on themselves and prove themselves over and over again. Diminished skills are a real thing and only hard work can hope to compensate for it. That’s the reason I’m playing two challenging pieces of music in an upcoming concert. It’s a 80 minute concert and my part is around 6 or so minutes. But I’m hoping my hard work, dedication and loyalty keeps me relevant. The kicker is the rest of my family will be vacationing. I’ll have to make it up to my family when I can. They don’t understand my struggle but I’m hoping they cut me a little slack for my late arrival.
5. Although older women need to continue to work hard for the things that matter to them, they need to learn to let other things go. One thing I learned from the younger generation is this concept of quiet quitting. I think it means quietly letting go of little jobs and tasks that aren’t really your responsibility and you’re not really compensated for. I’m not an employee, but I have several volunteer areas that I’m going to be slimming down because frankly, there are other people who can step up if I step aside – and I have no qualms about doing that.
6. I keep seeing reels like this on my social media. I wrote about this back in February, but it seems to be getting worse. Are moms of my vintage really that cruel to their daughters-in-law? And DILs, you know if you make these Reels and public comments about your husband’s mom and he’s OK with it, you are teaching your sons how to treat you when they get married! Consider that.