How this Devotion Started For Me
Since 2003, this has been a special day in the liturgical year for me. After losing my son to stillbirth in 2002 I felt that I had a special connection to the Blessed Mother in some small way. Going to mass on this day, of all days, has been cathartic for me – cleansing and healing, even merciful.
As the years went by I noted milestones unmet. Twelve Years out, my “baby” would have been the same age as Jesus when he was left behind to preach in the temple. This year he would have been a legal adult, 19 and probably working or finishing college. It’s odd to think about what life would be like if I had him here with my remaining children.
When he was first buried, I rationalized getting flowers for his grave weekly since the money wasn’t going for diapers. The time between visits to the cemetery has grown over the years. What used to be a daily event, and then weekly is now just a couple of times a year.
Grief gradually gave way to acceptance and then a sense that things worked out just the way they were supposed to. Raising my other children had its own share of heartaches and broken dreams. I miss my baby, but I am somewhat relieved that I was spared the traumatic teen/early adult years.
Other Sorrows of Motherhood
But in retrospect, my child in the cemetery is the easy one. He is already a little saint. The sorrows that come with my vocation have been with my living children!
Recently I have experienced two unexpected sorrows to lay in Mary’s lap. Last year, a week before my son Noah’s wedding, one of his best friends committed suicide. My son only found about it when he went down to his friend’s house to finalize plans for the wedding day and get a count for the caterer. What he walked in on was a grieving family. The friend’s older brother who was to be my son’s best man. He was the one that finally gave the news to my son about the terrible tragedy.
Noah came home stunned and saddened. Grief was etched in his body and his face. It took him a moment to tell me what was going on and then we just held each other and cried. Nothing in my life had really prepared me for helping my son through this sorrow …
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary,
that never was it known
that anyone who fled to thy protection,
implored thy help,
or sought thy intercession,
was left unaided.
With the wedding day just a week away, our home truly was a sharing of joys and sorrows going forward.
Then just a few weeks ago, this happened:
Just a freak accident that caused a lot of damage.
I have comforted my mother and other older relatives as they lay sick or dying. But it is an entirely different thing to hold your strong and virile son who is experiencing something so painful. It is such a helpless feeling to know that you have no power to relieve this pain or take it away. All you can do is be there for them and walk with them through the experience, with whatever they need. This must be what it was like for Mary at Calvary, no power, just witness to the pain and agony.
Today’s commemoration and moms
In Her infinite wisdom, the Church has designated September to be the month of the Sorrowful Mother. Maybe it’s because this is the month that marks the end of the simple joys of summer for the rigors and excitement of a new school year. It’s a small loss to bear, but the end of swimming and vacations and just hanging out together is a sorrow nonetheless. It also brings with it another school year where perhaps as moms we notice that the kids need us just a little less than the year before.
The irony of knowing that I have succeeded as a mother as they become more independent is not lost on me. I once read that the hardest part of being a mother is knowing that the maternal body that was meant to grow, nurture, love and hold, must come to terms with letting go and getting on. It’s a hard passage to make sometimes.
Mary suffered other losses too – the loss of her parents, the death of her husband, and probably the loss of other friends and family members. Someone who loves much always suffers the scars of loss, and in that way, I’m sure Mary, as the sorrowful mother, shares in our sadness at the other losses we experience in this lifetime.
My Aunt Dorothy wrote me once that someone who loves much always suffers scars of loss on their hearts. In that way, I’m sure Mary, as the Sorrowful Mother, shares in our sadness at the losses we experience in this lifetime. As we move into the second half of this month honoring Mary, let’s contemplate her example in accepting her sorrows to find the strength and the wisdom in accepting our own.
About this commemoration day
This feast dates back to the 12th century. It was especially promoted by the Cistercians and the Servites, so much so that in the 14th and 15th centuries it was widely celebrated throughout the Catholic Church. In 1482 the feast was added to the Missal under the title of “Our Lady of Compassion.” Pope Benedict XIII added it to the Roman Calendar in 1727 on the Friday before Palm Sunday. In 1913, Pope Pius X fixed the date on September 15. The title “Our Lady of Sorrows” focuses on Mary’s intense suffering during the passion and death of Christ. “The Seven Dolors,” the title by which it was celebrated in the 17th century, referred to the seven swords that pierced the Heart of Mary. The feast is like an octave for the birthday of Our Lady on September 8th. —Excerpted from Our Lady of Sorrows by Fr. Paul Haffner (Inside the Vatican, September 2004)
The Sorrows of Mary
The Prophecy of Simeon
“And Simeon blessed them, and said to Mary his mother:
Behold this child is set for the fall and for the resurrection of many in Israel, and for a sign which shall be contradicted; And thy own soul a sword shall pierce, that out of many hearts thoughts may be revealed.” Luke 2:34-35 Meditation: How great was the shock to Mary’s Heart at hearing the sorrowful words, in which holy Simeon told the bitter Passion and death of her sweet Jesus, since in that same moment she realized in her mind all the insults, blows, and torments which the impious men were to offer to the Redeemer of the world. But a still sharper sword pierced her soul. It was the thought of men’s ingratitude to her beloved Son. Now consider that because of your sins you are unhappily among the ungrateful.
Anna and Simeon
The Flight into Egypt
“And after they (the wise men) were departed, behold an angel of the Lord appeared in sleep to Joseph, saying: Arise and take the child and His mother and fly into Egypt: and be there until I shall tell thee. For it will come to pass that Herod will seek the child to destroy Him. Who arose and took the child and His mother by night, and retired into Egypt: and He was there until the death of Herod.” ~Matt: 2:13-14. Meditation: Consider the sharp sorrow which Mary felt when, St. Joseph being warned by an angel, she had to flee by night in order to preserve her beloved Child from the slaughter decreed by Herod. What anguish was hers, in leaving Judea, lest she should be overtaken by the soldiers of the cruel king! How great her privations in that long journey! What sufferings she bore in that land of exile, what sorrow amid that people given to idolatry! But consider how often you have renewed that bitter grief of Mary, when your sins have caused her Son to flee from your heart.
Father Lawrence Lew, via FLickr licensed cc
The Loss of the Child Jesus in the Temple
“And having fulfilled the days, when they returned, the Child Jesus remained in Jerusalem; and His parents knew it not. And thinking that he was in the company, they came a day’s journey, and sought him among their kinsfolk and acquaintance. And not finding Him, they returned into Jerusalem, seeking Him.” ~Luke 2:43-45.
Meditation: How dread was the grief of Mary, when she saw that she had lost her beloved Son! And as if to increase her sorrow, when she sought Him diligently among her kinsfolk and acquaintance, she could hear no tidings of Him. No hindrances stayed her, nor weariness, nor danger; but she forthwith returned to Jerusalem, and for three long days sought Him sorrowing. Great be your confusion, O my soul, who has so often lost your Jesus by your sins, and has given no heed to seek Him at once, a sign that you make very little or no account of the precious treasure of divine love.
The Meeting of Jesus and Mary on the Way of the Cross
“And there followed Him a great multitude of people, and of women, who bewailed and lamented Him.”
~Luke 23: 27. Meditation: Come, O ye sinners, come and see if ye can endure so sad a sight. This Mother, so tender and loving, meets her beloved Son, meets Him amid an impious rabble, who drag Him to a cruel death, wounded, torn by stripes, crowned with thorns, streaming with blood, bearing His heavy cross. Ah, consider, my soul, the grief of the blessed Virgin thus beholding her Son! Who would not weep at seeing this Mother’s grief? But who has been the cause of such woe? I, it is I, who with my sins have so cruelly wounded the heart of my sorrowing Mother! And yet I am not moved; I am as a stone, when my heart should break because of my ingratitude.
The Crucifixion
“They crucified Him. Now there stood by the cross of Jesus, His Mother. When Jesus therefore had seen His Mother and the disciple standing whom he loved, He said to His Mother: Woman: behold thy son. After that he said to the disciple: Behold thy Mother.”
~John 19: 25-27Meditation: Look, devout soul, look to Calvary, whereon are raised two altars of sacrifice, one on the body of Jesus, the other on the heart of Mary. Sad is the sight of that dear Mother drowned in a sea of woe, seeing her beloved Son, part of her very self, cruelly nailed to the shameful tree of the cross. Ah me! how every blow of the hammer, how every stripe which fell on the Savior’s form, fell also on the disconsolate spirit of the Virgin. As she stood at the foot of the cross, pierced by the sword of sorrow, she turned her eyes on Him, until she knew that He lived no longer and had resigned His spirit to His Eternal Father. Then her own soul was like to have left the body and joined itself to that of Jesus.
The Taking Down of the Body of Jesus from the Cross
“Joseph of Arimathea, a noble counselor, came and went in boldly to Pilate, and begged the body of Jesus. And Joseph buying fine linen, and taking Him down, wrapped Him up in the fine linen.”
~Mark 15: 43-46 Meditation: Consider the most bitter sorrow which rent the soul of Mary, when she saw the dead body of her dear Jesus on her knees, covered with blood, all torn with deep wounds. O mournful Mother, a bundle of myrrh, indeed, is thy Beloved to thee. Who would not pity thee? Whose heart would not be softened, seeing affliction which would move a stone? Behold John not to be comforted, Magdalene and the other Mary in deep affliction, and Nicodemus, who can scarcely bear his sorrow.
The Burial of Jesus
“Now there was in the place where He was crucified, a garden; and in the garden a new sepulcher, wherein no man yet had been laid. There, therefore, because of the Pasch eve of the Jews, they laid Jesus, because the sepulcher was nigh at hand.”
~John 19: 4l-42 Meditation: Consider the sighs which burst from Mary’s sad heart when she saw her beloved Jesus laid within the tomb. What grief was hers when she saw the stone lifted to cover that sacred tomb! She gazed a last time on the lifeless body of her Son, and could scarce detach her eyes from those gaping wounds. And when the great stone was rolled to the door of the sepulcher, oh, then indeed her heart seemed torn from her body!
For More Information:
Divine Office for Today
Go to 22:14 for the part specific to mothers.
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