The Grumpy Mom

You know that parable in the bible about the two sons? You know the one from Matthew – where the father asked the first son to go to the vineyard and he said no, but probably after some grumbling and grousing he went anyway, while his brother said, “Yes!” immediately but never showed up.

I am relating a lot to the first brother recently. After years of no I finally said yes to motherhood, and this week it is kicking my butt. You would think as your children age it would get a little better. I have a goddaughter who is expecting her first baby in a few weeks, and I know that she will be fretting over her baby’s crib and spending many sleepless nights.

I remember those nights.

I think of them often as I worry about my oldest and his wife driving eight hours back to their home over the weekend, or staying up late for my 19-year-old to get home after going out to Steak and Shake with some friends. Lord how I miss the days where I could just peek into their crib to make sure they were safe and sound.

I was up till midnight last night and then up again at 3 a.m. to make sure my college kid was home (he was. home. in bed. sleeping in fact – which I was NOT. Your proverbial insult to injury). As hard as I tried to go back to sleep I just couldn’t.  My cursed Android phone reminded me of a bill to be paid, and I spent too much time listening to arguments about Ina Mae Gaskin, and white privilege and checking my white (OK, half white) privilege at the door. I just could not shut off my mind. Praying the office didn’t even help. One word or something would send my mind was off on another rabbit trail.

It’s awful to be up knowing you should sleep, and also knowing I would have to be driving a van full of kids somewhere in a few short hours.  Sleep still eluded me and finally, I had to get up and drive Rosie and her friends to play practice for the third time this week – because I said yes, she could try drama this semester. I didn’t really want to, but she wanted to try it so badly and first I said no. But now it’s a yes – but it’s a grumpy yes. So I take heart from the words of Jesus that somehow even a begrudged and grumpy good deed is better than an early and heartfelt “Yes!” without following through.

So yeah!!!!, to me for following through.

It will be a long week. Don’t expect a lot of posts until Friday.

or maybe today if I can get a nap.