Rebuttal to Jen of grace-filled.net

Note:  To the folks coming over from Jen’s Blog.  Jen banned me from commenting last week because I stood up for myself when she used an ad hominem attack against me in her 7-Quick takes post.  Apparently both she and Katia (her so-called college friend) like to dish it, but don’t want to take any of it back. Apparently our ideas of courtesy and politeness are different as well.  Ever since they started commenting here they have been disresepectful, rude and snarky, although I’m sure Katia would call it “fiesty.” 

That all said, I write from my experiences and my life story.  So does Jen. So does Katia.  What I write about homeschooling is true for me based on what I have seen and experienced.  Your mileage may vary!!  So just take that for what it’s worth- no more, and no less.  I just never found an article that addressed concerns about putting a kid back in school – although there are many about taking a kid out!  So I had it on my mind to address it. 

I have never met Jen or Katia and up until a few weeks ago didn’t even know they existed.  I certainly didn’t have Jen in mind when I wrote this. 

Now here is my reply to Jen’s rebuttal that she did without allowing me to reply, probably because she is incapable of handling a true adult discussion or debate.  

Special note to commenter Kym – No, I don’t think my kids should not socialize with formerly homeschooled kids.  My point was that it is importanted for homeschooled kids to get to hang with other homeschooled kids, especially in the high school years and when they join a “homeschool” organization, whether it be for sports or part of the support group – that is the expectation.  It’s just harder for them to find other kids in their situation when all the spots are taken by kids who used to be homeschooled but are now in institutional schools.  I think we could agree that kids in regular schools have plenty of opportunities to mix with kids in their situation.  Also for the record, if you spent any time at all reading my blog, you’d know that my kids participate in running clubs with all kinds of different kids, art classes, choir, and even went on a youth retreat this past weekend with kids from many different schools.  

1. You’re breaking up the family. Literally. The best parts of the day the regular schooled students will be away form his or her parents and siblings. And yes I realize the rest of the society already does this and accepts it as normal. But if you’ve been homeschooling it might be a bit of a shock. No longer will the opinions of the parents and relationships with siblings be the most important part of the high school student’s life. Teachers will also get a say and have sway. And so will peers. Having and keeping “friends” will be more important than keeping up relationships with parents and being with siblings. It’s just part of the price.

2. Mom and Dad will no longer control the curriculum. Oh, there can be meetings with the teachers and principal and maybe there will be attempts to sway the school board from time to time if things get too out of hand, but for the most part, you won’t know what’s in the novels that are assigned (because for the most part, they won’t be classics that you’re familiar with!) and you won’t know what’s being presented in class that’s NOT on the syllabus.

One of my friends was buying a book for her daughter that she needed for a literature class. While waiting in line, she opened the book and started reading about a pretty explicit sex act! She had no clue something like that was going to be covered in class at this particular Catholic School.

But more importantly, if the student comes to something in his or her studies that they find fascinating, there won’t be any time or inclination to study it in depth and even if there is, there won’t be any credit for it! at least not in this class. What the school, teachers and school board feels is important is what will be presented for study. Everything else will fall by the wayside.

3. Lots of parents give up because they think they can’t teach this that or the other thing. Well news flash – there are teachers in schools that can’t teach them either. I still remember Mr. Ball, my 9th grade religion teacher that made discussions of theology so dull and boring that I didn’t want to take up the topic again until I was in my early 30s. Then there was Mr. Drum the math teacher – not so affectionately known as Mr. Hum Drum. But my favorite of the unfavorites was a science teacher with a Ph.D. behind his name that giggled when he was trying to explain to me about fruit flies mating and passing on genetics. Seriously. And I’ll bet if most of these parents who are so willing to pass on the task of teaching thought back, they could think of some not so stellar performances from their academic background as well. It’s not like we’re homeschooling back in the 80′s! If you need help teaching a subject, there are plenty of ways to find help! This is one of the lamest of excuses these days.

4. Passing on morals and values. My 9th grade son and 8th grade daughter do not know what twerking is. I’d like to leave it that way.

They also know what the church teaches about sexuality and marriage, something even their Catholic high school counterparts seem a bit shaky on. Which is not to say that they’ll always stay on the right path, but if they veer off it will be a conscience decision and not a straying due to ignorance.

5. You won’t reap the values of all of your hard work to date. The hard part of homeschooling is getting these kids to read, write and get to grade level in math. The rest of it is cake. But we get these kids to master the mechanics of reading and English Grammar, and then we pass them off to someone else to reap the benefits!!

Why?

After all of these years we can finally read the great books and delve into them for analysis and discussions with our own children! Our kids can finally write something that is actually interesting!! and the science and math are actually challenging! Why on earth should I let someone else get my students when it’s finally getting to be less of a chore and more of a pleasure? It’s like being in a two man relay and letting someone else finish the winning lap and get all the glory. Nope. I’ve enjoyed crying through Uncle Tom’s Cabin and the Call of the Wild and next year I can’t wait to do Shakespeare and read my kid’s research papers. I’m invested in the curriculum financially, intellectually, spiritually and emotionally – a lot more than I would be if I was just waiting for grades to come out a few times a year.

I’d also assert that my parents were quite invested in my schoolwork and it wasn’t just about grades that came out every 6 weeks. My dad helped me with my trig homework and my mom proofed my English papers. My dad was forced to learn some French because my evil twin and I would have conversations in it when we were out with him. (This led to some really interesting adventures.) My mom went over our resumés in Social Studies with a fine-toothed comb and talked me through some of the personal statements I had to write for college applications

And that’s what I would give up if I gave up homeschooling for the high school years.

Yeah… I think I’ve made the point that my parents didn’t lose out on any of this. 

And all you managed to do was point out that in your world, you loved regular school. Message received. Of course since your own kid is only 4 you don’t have any real world experience with this of your own as a parent.  

******** updates******
A Simple Woman Post where I responded to some hurtful things that were said about my children from Katia’s (Jen’s friend and also a minister’s wife) defunct blog, under the “I am Thinking” heading and where I rethink blogging under the “I am Pondering” section.

Briefly mentioning the controversy under the What I’m Reading Section of this post.

The whole situation not helping my health here. 

A post about an article Simcha Fischer wrote that backed up the points I originally made about putting a student back in regular school.

On March 1, 2014 Jen wrote:

 I try not to pick fights… too often. (Maybe once every few years and only on subjects where I’m pretty confident that I’m right.) It’s not worth my time (especially these days) and I know I hate it when people pick fights with me. Any comments left on this blog that are nasty go right into the spam folder and the offending party has their I.P. banned.

Last summer, I saw a post on a blog with which I disagreed so I refuted her points. That irritated her and she waged an all-out war on me on her blog and in my comment box where she created new identities and I.P.’s using a proxy server. A pastor’s wife friend of mine dared to defend me so she went after my friend on my friend’s blog and in comment box the same way. After praying about the situation, I decided to be the bigger person and called a truce because sitting back and eating popcorn while watching her self-destruct was not a godly way to handle the situation.
Why am I bringing it up (other than her bringing it up on her blog nastily a few months ago)?

A couple of points:

• She and friend Katia, picked a fight with me, not the other way around.  I didn’t even know they existed prior to their attacks.
• My original post was written for homeschoolers considering putting their students into regular school.  It was not about 4 year olds with learning disabilities. It still boggles my mind as to why Jen took it so personally.
• She called me a liar and a moron and then she doubled down and said she stood by her words.
• By “nasty” she means comments that disagree with her, or reports of the mean, hateful things her friend Katia wrote to me.
• The “war waged” was simply the rebuttal above. I was not allowed to comment in her comment section because she blocked me then, as now. As far as I know, there was nothing inappropriate, rude or hurtful written in her com boxes in my defense. She did however, allow her friends and readers to take me apart pretty well.
• Jen may be a bigger person. However, she is not a saint.