The Duggar Finale this evening

The Duggar Family’s “19 Kids and Counting” have its finale tonight. I’m not sure if I will be able to watch it or not.

It’s so hard for me to believe, but it will be 10 years ago this year that Mr. Pete and I were in the same position – an ultrasound of a much-wanted baby with no heartbeat, and having to share that information with our family and friends, but especially with our children.

I remembered telling the kids:

The kids were a different story. Calvin just sat there kind of numb. The two little ones started to cry, but at 3 and 4 I think they were crying more because I was crying. Gabe genuinely wept and gave me a hug. I found out later that he had hoped that nothing would be wrong with me and then he felt a little bad about not thinking the same for the baby. Sam’s reaction was immediate and visceral. He developed a splitting headache and nausea, very much like his dad’s reaction a few weeks earlier at the news of his mom’s death. He had to go to bed right away. 

I’ll probably watch tonight- and cry. And think about the little boy who isn’t here and whose spot in the family has just never quite completely closed and probably never will.  I’ll also be grateful to the Duggar’s for sharing their grief about this in public – 10 years ago I felt as if no one really understood the grief of losing an unborn baby, and now I think maybe with the example of Michelle and Jim Duggar, people will see and understand a bit better.