Elena 
Six years ago, I sat in the bathtub with my husband present, holding the body of our little stillborn son. Born at 23 weeks he looked perfect and to this day I do not know what went wrong with that pregnancy. Only that he was born still into our family. Many times since then I have wondered what it would have been like to hold him and see him alive even if for only a minute. I longed to comfort and hold him as his life passed from me into the next life. This will probably be one of the saddest regrets of my life.
Last week after the murder of abortion doctor George Tiller, I read many testimonials from his patients. Every story I read was from a mother who was pregnant with a baby who was had some sort of abnormality or illness that was incompatible with life. The Huffington post had a piece on how Dr. Tiller saved women – from heartache!
One woman wrote:
Raising a child with severe medical or physical deformities tests you and sentences you to a life filled with many obstacles both emotionally and financially. It not only impacts the child, but the whole family.
“I can’t do it, ” my friend finally declared. “What does that say about me?”
I wanted to shake her. This is a lady with a choice that I certainly never had – to hold and love and get to know her baby!! Will aborting it make the heart ache less? Apparently not as the rest of the article focuses on the resulting angst and regret.
I have two friends who had the opportunity to have babies that were not stillborn. Babies who were known before birth to have severe medical problems. One was Frankie’s mom, Jean, who delivered Frankie and then was her health care advocate throughout the two years that they had her. One only has to read Jean’s blog to see how much love Frankie brought into their family. (Jean and her family welcomed a new baby boy into their family this week!)
The other was my friend Suzanne, who found out that her much wanted baby had Trisomy 18. Suzanne endured a lengthy hospital stay to keep her baby’s heart tones going, shifting her position and trying to stimulate the baby inside of her whenever the tones dropped. Finally she delivered her daughter via C-section even though some of the doctor’s in the hospital were livid about it – why have major surgery after all for a baby that was “going to die anyway”? But her baby girl didn’t die right away and because of Suzanne’s tender loving care, she was able to have her baby live with her for three more months. That was time that they got to have her baptized, love her, hold her and even have a family picture taken. When I arrived at the funeral home I thought perhaps an older, very important person must have passed as well, because the funeral home parking lot was packed! But the baby was the only patron that weekend; all of those people were there out of love and support for her parents. This little 3 month old baby, that some certainly didn’t think had much value, had brought a community together. Her life did have meaning. It did have impact. Just by existing she touched many lives.
The Huffington article says:
In conversations that I’ve had with quite a few friends who have children with issues, they wished they would have had that choice. However, they are now accepting their destiny with grace and often tears.
My friends would probably attest to that. They showed remarkable grace and there were plenty of tears. But there was also a lot of love, joy and memories! Something that NEVER gets mentioned in these pro-choice articles.
Just once I’d like to read someone write, “one of the consequences of terminating this pregnancy is going to be missing out on one of the most challenging experiences of a lifetime, a chance to grow as a woman, a mother, a human being, and the chance to truly love another human being unconditionally.”
I have never read that once.
Now the big argument- but Dr. Tiller saved so many lives! Did he? Most of his procedures were performed in his clinic and life or death situtions usually occur in the hospital. So how many truly life saving events take three to five days to resolve? None that I can think of. I’ve tackled the issue of whether or not late term or partial birth abortions were ever necessary in a series of past articles available here.
Also this wonderful site Be Not Afraid, for parents receiving a poor prognosis and opting to continue their pregnancies.
Benotafraid.net is an online outreach to parents who have received a poor or difficult prenatal diagnosis. The family stories, articles, and links within this site are presented as a resource for those who may have been asked to choose between terminating a pregnancy or continuing on despite the diagnosis.
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