Mom

P1020893
Originally uploaded by elliemom
I was present yesterday as a nice aid named Eva gave mom her sponge bath. This was the first time I had had a chance to survey mom’s body in weeks. The ravages of the disease process were very apparent. She has lost so much muscle mass and tissue. Her arms and legs are very thin and very bony. Her abdomen is again big and full probably with fluid and ascities from the ovarian cancer that was not removed during her debulking surgery.

And while Eva gently washed her from head to toe, mom gently slept, rousing to turn only as Eva needed her to so that she could bathe her entire body. I did find out that it has been this sweet aid, Eva who has been brushing my mother’s hair every day.

Last night Kay called me in tears. She couldn’t rouse mom and she was afraid she was dying. Around 7:30 Pete and I went over to St. Ed’s to see for ourselves, but by then she was a little more aware. It could be that Kay saw her after her narcotics dose, which always makes her more sleepy.

We didn’t talk, but we did pray the rosary. I started with the sign of the cross, in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, and mom made the sign herself. And as we said the prayers that have been so familiar to her from childhood her lips moved with them too. I could see her mouth moving to “Our Father, who art in heaven…”

Today I had to meet with the hospice care nurse, a very nice lady named Mary. I had no idea it was going to be such a long and boring meeting! So many forms to read and sign.

But I think Mary is going to be good for our family. She made sure right away that mom didn’t get the huge tray of food she has been getting. Mom only wants a little bit of toast and something to drink and Mary made sure that is what she got. She also showed Kay and me where to get the juice, toast, and the ice cream in case mom wants some of that.

But most importantly, Mary was willing to commit to some kind of time frame for what we are looking at. Based on mom’s vital signs (very low blood pressure with a systolic of 64) and high heart beat rate of 100, she thinks we are looking at days to weeks.

Days to weeks. What will the fourth of July be like? or even Izzy’s birthday on the 23rd of June? Will mom be around for any of that? I can’t even imagine my life without her in it.

I have taken some final steps. The funeral home has been put on alert. Mom already paid for her funeral and made all of her choices, so we won’t have to worry about that. Today I stopped at her hairdressers to see if he could be available to do her hair. He’s out of town right now but will be back Wednesday. I don’t know if that will be in time or not.

In the meantime we continue to try to live our lives (having kids is great for that!) but try to spend time with mama every day.