Some thoughts on Losing a child

I have been following the heartbreaking story of the death of Jett Travolta over the New Year’s holiday. Jett was about Sam’s age and my mind cannot comprehend what it would be like to lose my 16-year-old son. My heart aches for the Travolta family.

In my extended family we have had children die in stillbirth, of cancer, and in accidents. It has been heartbreaking each time, but it has made me a realist. I know that it could happen although I pray that it does not.

A few years ago I shared on another blog about a conversation that I had with my aunt. My Aunt Opal only had two children because pregnancy and delivery was difficult and my Uncle Paul did not want to see her go through it ever again.

A few years before she died, I was holding my fourth son at the family reunion, and my 80+ something Aunt Opal came over to hold and admire him. Her only son had been killed in a freak truck accident while repairing his rig on the side of the road. She held my baby boy and with tears down her face told me that her biggest regret in life, was that she did not have more children. She was sorry that she let the pain and difficulty of pregnancy and childbirth hold her back from having a bigger family. In hindsight, that time of childbearing is brief, but the soul of another child is infinite.

I held onto those words, even when I had a stillbirth at 44, and then a new baby at 46.
And on a personal note, my mother is 80, she has cancer. I know that she will probably be gone in the next five to ten years. I am so grateful that I will have my only sister to be with me during that time, to laugh at the memories and to cry in grief. She has been my companion since I was a toddler, the only one who truly understands my entire life experience. She is also the reason I wanted siblings for my children.

I was told rather bruskly that to have more children because a child might die was “acting out of fear, not faith.” I was stunned to read that, because in my experience it was more akin to accepting that we cannot control much of what happens in this life. It is best to be open to life while we can, because death is certainly out of our hands.

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