Uggghhh – October

I am riding the emotional roller coaster this month. There are so many changes in my life right now and I am one of those people that just does not like change! Or maybe it’s just happy endings that get me? I’m not really sure.

I am really mourning the loss of no swimming team this fall. No meets, no practices, no drama. But at the same time I am happy that Calvin is doing so well in his “new life” outside of high school.

My sister just moved into a gorgeous house that is much closer to me. But I am feeling nostalgic for all of the holidays we had at her old house.

Cross Country is coming to an end for the season. This will be the last time that I have three children running in all three divisions ever. EVER. Next year Izzy moves up a division with Noah. The year after that Gabe will be in high school and not able to run with CYO. I’m feeling sad about that and it hasn’t even happened yet!

I’m a little worried about money, but that’s nothing too new.

And November 1 is coming up. Raphael’s birthday. It’s probably a little silly but I really see that gap in our family more and more. A little 5 year old boy would be the perfect playmate for my 3-year-old daughter. How much fun and adventure would they be sharing with each other now? I should have a little one to start the 100 Easy Reading Lessons with and getting ready to start the Pathway Readers – which leads me to another sadness I am having – all my beloved homeschool materials that I am using with Izzy – I have one more chance to use them and that will be with Rosie. If only… if only…

And there’s the good bye to the baby years, and the strange anticipation for menopause. Although I have a dread and fear of that particular phase of life. Because what comes after menopause? Old age and death… sigh. So it’s just a strange kind of funk to think I will never have another baby growing inside me. But at the same time this little 3-year-old daughter of mine is keeping life active and fun.

So October this year is a metaphor for the change in seasons and in my life. A beautiful, happy, busy, but a little sad time.

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