The November cold

The cold bitter kiss of winter is in the air, and the sky is dark and menacing. Such is the uncertainty of this last week of October. Uncertain about the economy, uncertain about the future of the country, uncertain about my own future and that of my family.

I noticed when I turned over the calendar that this week was going to be just like the one we had six years ago. Monday with an uneasy feeling and bleeding, no heartbeat on Tuesday, the endless waiting and uncertainty of Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. And then a new month on Saturday. A joyous feast day filled with sorrow and awe. Six years ago and feels like yesterday.

Many of those feelings remain. I sat in church tonight as I have many many times since that day. This time it was to watch my 10-year-old son practice to become an altar server. He held the big heavy cross and practiced processing down the steps and down the aisle. In my minds eye he walked right across the spot where the little casket had been. What an historic spot. How many other caskets, and weddings and ceremonies have been there before and since? We’ve had two first communions and two confirmations since then – but the little casket is what I always see there, at least for a brief moment, every time I visit.

Tomorrow it is supposed to be sunny and 50. That seems so funny. It will still be a fall day but it holds the memory of last summer, spring. Perhaps I will too? Maybe there is one more chance for me. Maybe this is my late summer. Or maybe the autumn of my life starts now.

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