How to Have a Domestic Church part 2 – It takes two to tango!

Last week I blogged about how important is for the wife/mother of the home to have her own personal relationship with God. This is really important. In fact it’s half of the foundation. So it make sense that the other half of that foundation needs to be just as strong in faith! The second part of having a Domestic Church is a faith filled, Godly husband!

A couple of years ago I heard Michelle Tepas speak at a local Catholic High School about her husband and their courtship. They both were very strong in their faith and the idea of being chaste before marriage. I believe they even decided to hold off on kissing until they were married at the altar! Michelle said some other things about their courtship that I found to be just beautiful, like proposing in front of a shrine and stories about her wedding day. I’m a little fuzzy on the details now, but the point is they were both starting out their marriage strong in their Catholic faith and in their desire to serve God through marriage and in creating their own Domestic Church!

But not all of us start out that way.

Mr. Pete and I were woefully ignorant of our Catholic faith when we married and we had absorbed a lot of the feminist, secular humanistic ideas that passed for religious education from our Catholic High School. I myself was very self-centered and focused on what marriage could do to make ME happy! Our home was a nice little newlywed apartment, but nobody would have ever accused us of being overly religious or spiritual.

The one thing we did have going for us were models of two wonderful Catholic couples who lived out their faith at home. For Mr. Pete it was the marriage of his devout parents. For me, it was the model of my grandparents. At least from knowing these couples we had seeds planted somewhere in us that we could draw from. And draw from them we did.

When I reconverted to my Catholic Faith I was enthusiastic and energetic and something about my delight in the Lord started that seed growing in Mr. Pete. When I would learn something about the faith and share it with him, we talked for hours. We listened to tapes together, we watched EWTN, we read. I have to say that it was one of the most exciting times in our marriage. If Mr. Pete had NOT shared my passion, I don’t think I could have been successful in creating the type of family environment I envisioned. It was his support and encouragement that kept me going and lead our family forward in making our own Domestic Church.

After our sixth child was stillborn, I felt a tremendous need to surround myself with religious objects, books, and particularly pictures of the Blessed Mother and Baby Jesus. I became addicted to eBay and started winning prints and objects which were starting to come to our house a couple of times a week! Mr. Pete told me that at first he was kind of embarrassed by all the religious stuff in the house, afraid that we had become real religious fanatics! But he never said anything to me, and he personally framed and matted many of the prints that I bought. He said that there was something soothing about their presence and after a while he couldn’t imagine NOT having these reminders of our faith surrounding us. That was an example of his spiritual leadership in a very subtle but effective way.

And as the children have grown, particularly the boys, they have looked to their Dad to be sure that what we are praying, reading, doing as a Catholic Family isn’t just a girlie thing, but that it is really important – because Dad is doing it too!

Ironically for all my religious fervor and enthusiasm, Mr. Pete has ended up being the Old Testament teacher for the 6th grade PSR program for the past six years!

Mr. Pete has become the man of God that the children and I have needed him to be. He has supported and encouraged me, he has been willing to learn new things about the faith on his own and he has been a strong witness to our children, family, friends and neighbors. Without him our Domestic Church, our haven of faith, would not exist!

Now on another note, I am not a big fan of mixed marriages. I know the church allows it, and I know they happen a lot. I have also read the catechism passages from 1633 to 1637. However, to me it doesn’t read like a ringing endorsement even if it is allowable! In a very real, practical, day-to-day sense, I do not see how a home can be fully Catholic, how the liturgical year can be fully lived and appreciated when one of the key players is not participating fully! I’ve been the wedding coordinator at too many new marriages where the Catholic compromises from the very start by NOT having a mass, just a ceremony! How many other things will be compromised or watered down in those marriages?

But before the slings and arrows start, I will say that my grandparents did have a mixed marriage and it was very successful and they loved each other very much for 53 years. Of course the last 30 of those my grandpa was a Catholic convert… so there ya go!

What should a wife do if she has a husband who is not as interested in having a Domestic Church as she is? This is what I would suggest.
1. Pray for him.
2. Talk to him! Share your thoughts and ideas on the subjects.
3. Leave reading material, books and tapes so that he can grow and learn with you.
4. Try to live your Catholic faith in front of your husband. Let him see how important it is. Let him ask questions and give him an opportunity to come beside. Information and trust is the key.

And for parents, I think it is very important early on to talk to your children about what is important in a spouse. If they live the liturgical year and have fond memories built around the church year, they will want that with their own families. Plant those little seeds early in the little ones, and talk about it openly with the older ones.

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