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Last weekend I was sitting at soccer commiserating with another mom whose son attended high school. It seems that he started going steady with a younger girl and the two were inseparable, kissing in the hall way, holding hands, the whole thing. Now this mom and her husband were trying to monitor the situation, using a balance of granting some privileges and freedoms with some common sense. One of their rules included not providing their son with a cell phone.

As time went by they discovered that their son had a cell phone- bought, paid for and supported by his girlfriend’s mother! Their son had deliberately disobeyed them, but this other mother had deliberately usurped their parental authority as well!

I could definitely feel this soccer mom’s pain! I have had nothing but disappointment and hurt feelings with Calvin’s girlfriend’s parents.

For us it started when Calvin started dating this girl and would stay at her home until 2:00 a.m. or later. As he was only 17 at the time and had not even been driving for six months, I was out of my mind with worry, especially on those dark, cold winter nights. I finally called this girl’s father and begged him nicely to please appreciate my motherly paranoia and kick his butt out of their home by 11:30! I pointed out that Calvin was not an experienced driver and had not had to deal with severe weather conditions. The dad assured me that he would. I think he did once and then after that he told Calvin that he was “old enough” to make his own decisions. And that was that. Calvin continues to defy us with the aid of these other parents.

I have learned to swallow my pride and deal with a lot of this. I go to bed, say a prayer that my son doesn’t end up dead in a ditch somewhere and let it go. I am actually able to sleep now before he gets home.

However these parents continued to undermine us. Last spring Calvin said he wanted to spend the night at his girlfriend’s house after prom. We absolutely forbid it. Then the GF Father called and tried to talk Mr. Pete into it. We still refused however the night of the prom Calvin spent the night there, with the GF daddy’s permission. We were hurt and livid although we felt somewhat better when we learned a number of other young people stayed the night there as well. Still the damage had been done and I have some hard feelings towards these people.

Recently, I got some information from Calvin’s charter e-school that they are going to have a graduation ceremony on June 10. Calvin is going to participate in our homeschool group’s graduation ceremony the end of May, but I was happy to see his school was providing one as well, with all the pomp and circumstance, caps and gowns. It would also be a chance for me to thank some of the teachers and administrators there who supported Calvin and his swimming career.

When I mentioned this to Calvin however he informed me that he will not be in town June 10 – he will be on vacation with his GF and her parents!! No amount of pleading on my part could change his mind.

As I look back over the last couple of years with Calvin, I see so many things that I wish I had done differently, things that eventually lead to him meeting this girl in the first place. But if not her, it would have been someone else. What did I do to this child to get booted from the top of the respected elders list to clinging to the margins of the periphery?

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