And Jesus wept

Today’s gospel reading has three little words that I have often wondered about.

“And Jesus wept” John 11:35

When I was younger I wondered why Jesus wept? He knew that Lazarus would surely someday be with Him in heaven. He also knew that He could and would raise Lazarus from the dead soon. So I never understood the weeping.

I think this Lent I get it a little better. It seems to me that Jesus was weeping for two reasons. First, because as the gospel tells us in the very next verse, He loved Lazarus. I think Jesus felt sad that Lazarus had to endure death in the first place. Even with knowing the big picture, I think knowing that His friend suffered and died still made Jesus sad.

As a mother I can certainly relate to that. I remember when Gabe was a baby and the doctors wanted to do a spinal tap because he had a fever. I knew that was the best thing for my baby but I still felt so badly for him as he struggled with his restraints and then the pain of the actual needle stick. I feel bad for Gabe now as he struggles with his math lessons knowing that in the long run he has to know them. Still it is hard for me as his mom to watch him struggle with things that are difficult for him.

Secondly, I think Jesus might have wept because even if Lazarus came back to life, their life and friendship would never be the same. That phase of life was over.

I can REALLY relate to that. This Lent I am struggling with several changes in in which life will never be the same again. My oldest is closer and closer to graduating from high school and moving on with his life – a good thing to be sure but still a little sad for me. At the other end of the spectrum I am coming to terms with the end of my childbearing years. Not that I have any menopausal signs yet, but Rosie will be 3 in June and there has been no pregnancy since her birth. I can’t help but think this is just nature’s way and yet it is sad to think there will be no more babies in our house. Not that I have closed the door on that, but I know every month that door closes a little more on its own.

There are other changes too with my mother getting older, and my sister moving on to a new phase in her life. And all of these changes are good and natural in their way. But they also signal an end to life as I knew it and life will never be the same for any of us again.

So maybe that is why Jesus cried. Maybe it’s okay to feel a little sad when things change, and maybe it’s okay to pause and reflect on that from time to time as life moves on.

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