Elena 
I am convinced that one of the best gifts we can give our children is the gift of siblings, and I become more and more convinced of this as I see my own children grow up and have deep relationships with each other. My kids just simply enjoy each other’s company soooo much! and I am very grateful for that.
I also see how special the gift of siblings are when I look out at my extended family. This weekend Mr. Pete traveled home to be with the rest of his siblings for their oldest brother’s 60th birthday party! His brothers traveled from as far as Salt Lake, Oklahoma City, and St. Lois to be together in Michigan for this event and it meant the world to all of them to reconnect with one another and celebrate. Their remaining 3 sisters were there as well and many photographs were taken and memories preserved. Parting truly was a sweet sorrow in a sense. The last time they were all together was at their mother’s funeral, yet that shared bond between the siblings keeps them together and connected, even when they are apart.
Readers might remember that last summer I disagreed with a particular Christian blogger who had decided NOT to have any more than one child. This blogger blogged of her decision:
Did I have faith that God would provide our child with the circle of loved ones she will need as an adult given that she will have no siblings and that she has older parents and grandparents?
Well I firmly believe that if we ask Him, God does provide for all of our needs in His time and as part of His eternal plan. But I also believe that God lets us face the consequences of our own decisions and sometimes even the decisions (wise or not) of our parents. Not all of those consequences are good. And while I can have faith that God will provide for my children I also know that they will either be blessed by or suffer from the consequences of their own decisions and even from choices Mr. Pete and I have made. What I KNOW is that the scriptures always refer to the gift of children as a blessing. While there are no guarantees I can increase the odds that my kids WILL HAVE a circle of loved ones around them by giving them the gift of each other!
This blogger also asked:
Am I morally obligated to have another child for my child’s sake? To continue trying?
We’re morally obligated to be the best Christian parents that we can be for our children and many times that means dying to ourselves and being open to God’s will in our lives. God loves life and He loves to bless with life. The Catholic Church teaches that for serious or grave reasons a couple may licitly decide not to have more children (using natural means to avoid conception), but other than that I think the teaching of the church calls us to stretch ourselves a bit!! To be open to the possibility that having that next little baby might just show us a wonder of God’s creation that we hadn’t ever seen or considered before.
The blogger continued:
I went through all the typical only child questions. But in the end I knew that siblings don’t guarantee happiness or even relationships.
True. Life doesn’t come with a lot of guarantees. But I think that the deliberate avoidance of giving a child siblings perhaps adds an extra burden of being alone that is avoidable. My sister and I grow closer as time goes on. We have faced major life changes together and will face future heartaches, burdens, joys and delights together. I feel fortunate to have her and can’t imagine how much sadder some of the trials in my life would have been without her.
My youngest child Rosie, is six years younger than her closest living sibling. Sometimes I fear that she will be like an only child. But then I see Calvin tease her, Sam brush her teeth, Gabe hold her while watching t.v., Noah give her piggy back rides, or Izzy playing dolls with her, and I know that they will never abandon her. She will have these great memories of her older brothers and sister for as long as she lives and she when they have left the home when they are grown, they will always be a letter, phone call, or e-mail away! As a mother I look at this group of children and I know that years and years after I am gone, they will have the gift of each other and I know it’s one of the best things I could have done for any of them.
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I don’t consider myself to be close to my siblings, though we don’t fight; we just all have separte lives both emotionally and geographically. However, I have never been so glad to be one of five as I was when dealing with my mother’s death. I can’t imagine having to go through that without siblings.
I’m kind of on the fence with this one. I’m not an only child, so I can’t really comment on that. I know plenty of only children, some happy and some sad. I have an older sister whom I detested all through childhood and don’t really like now. I enjoy a healthy amount of separation from her which makes her tolerable.
I don’t disagree that siblings are good for you, but I don’t like the idea of bringing another child into the world just for the sake of your existing children. Maybe this is a bitter second child speaking, but I would have hated the thought that the only reason my parents chose to have me was to make my sister a better and happier person. It’s kind of like how I feel about parents having an extra child to have a bone marrow match for a sick child. Yes it saves a life and there is little doubt the parents love the second child regardless of the motivation for having him or her. The positives greatly outweigh the negatives. But I still feel for the kid who only exists to save another. Sibling rivalry, feelings of inadequacy and suspicions of favouritism are bad enough as it is.
I don’t think parents ever have another child ONLY for the sake existing children. If you’re dividing the paper into pros and cons,it definitely falls in to the pro category though.
RAnn made a good point. I watched my husband and his siblings go through the death of both of their parents. I really think the fact that they had each other lessened the burden and lightened the grief for all of them.
My mom is 80. I know someday my sister and I will have to bury her. It’s a relief to me to know that we will be there for each other. The place of a sibling during those events is a space that no one else can ever quite fill.
Only child here, and fine with it. My widowed mother and I barely made it, financially speaking, through my childhood. I think a sibling would have sunk us.
When I was a kid, my two best friends were from large families. We almost always played at my house, because they wanted to get away from their siblings. (One case was worse than the other – she was the youngest sibling, with 5 older brothers, all of whom treated that poor kid like dirt….)
I had to chuckle about your childhood friend Narwen. My daughter is my fifth child with four older brothers! I’m sure when she plays with her friends she doesn’t always portray her brothers in the best possible light! In fact they fight like…well like brothers and sisters! Nonetheless she is fiercely loyal to them and loves them very much.
My kids pretty much scatter all over the neighborhood after school to be with their friends too. I think that’s fine. My husband (number 8th out of 9 in his family) said he spent most of his afternoons with friends. Having siblings doesn’t preclude making other friends and it’s a blessing to have both.
I think it’s hard to tell an only child about siblings. It’s like you trying to tell me about a beloved godmother that I never had. I simply can’t imagine it! and so I guess it would be difficult for an only child to imagine what a brother or sister would have been like.
I do think it is impossible and probably inaccurate to look to the past with our crystal balls to see what might have happened “if.” I try to avoid such scenarios in online discussions. No one really knows how a sibling could have impacted your family. Where you see financial ruin, I wonder about possibilities. After all many of the great saints arose from large families living in poverty. Last week’s feast of Our Lady of Lourdes brings St. Bernadette to mind!
Lastly, as Catholics we are supposed to be open to the possibility of new life and encouraging couples who have chosen the vocation of marriage. If I can help anyone do that through this blog and through my experiences as a mom of many, then all the better.
Thanks for visiting Narwen.