Seeking guidance in raising Catholic families

Last week a Catholic blog suggested that unless parents adhere to a strict AP lifestyle including spacing children 2 to 3 years apart so that each baby had ample opportunity to “bond”, that they were in danger of violating sacred scripture:

“Desire not a brood of worthless children, nor rejoice in wicked offspring. Many though they be, exult not in them if they have not the fear of the Lord. Count not on their length of life, have no hope for their future. For one [child] can be better than a thousand; rather die childless than have godless children (Sirach 16:1-3)”

That ideal may be problematic for many obedient Catholic couples i.e. couples who have a true longing and desire to surround themselves with many children, or who feel called to have and raise a large family, or couples who despite strict adherence to NFP and ecological breastfeeding find that their fertility returns quite naturally with ease and they find themselves blessed robust good health and abundance! Surely these families with 5, 6, 7 or more children are not doomed to suffer a “brood of worthless children!”

I think the answer may also be found in the book of Sirach.

There is but one, wise and truly awe-inspiring, seated upon his throne, Sirach 1:6

God is wisdom. While God surely places other wise men and women in our paths to help and guide us, everything we learn from them must be measured against what we know to be true of God from the scriptures and church teaching.

The wise young mother and father will realize that they need help and guidance as they undertake raising a family. They understand that many successful families have been raised before them and they will be open and even strive to attain wisdom from these sources.

My son, if you wish, you can be taught; if you apply yourself, you will be shrewd.
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If you are willing to listen, you will learn; if you give heed, you will be wise.
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Frequent the company of the elders; whoever is wise, stay close to him.
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Be eager to hear every godly discourse; let no wise saying escape you.
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If you see a man of prudence, seek him out; let your feet wear away his doorstep!
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Reflect on the precepts of the LORD, let his commandments be your constant meditation; Then he will enlighten your mind, and the wisdom you desire he will grant. Sirach 6: 32-37

That may mean gleaning information from other Catholic sources such as Danielle Bean’s new book, attending classes, listening to tapes or even just talking to other older women in our parishes or in our families to learn eagerly at the kitchen table, over the back gate, or during donut Sunday at church!

It also means reading church documents for ourselves! And how fortunate are we to have the documents of Vatican II for example only a few mouse clicks away! That same aforementioned Catholic blogger also used a Vatican II document, PASTORAL CONSTITUTION ON THE CHURCH IN THE MODERN WORLD aka GAUDIUM ET SPES #50s to support an Attachment Parenting lifestyle as THE CATHOLIC way of raising children. But what does the document actually say?

1. That the purpose of marriage and conjugal live is to have children and to educate them!
2. That children are a gift to the married couple and that the children contribute to the welfare of the parents!! What’s interesting is that it does not present it as the other way around!
3. That through the having, raising and educating of these Godly children, God enriches and enlarges his own family!!
4. That having and educating these offspring is the mission of parents and that we are in it together and in cooperation with God. We have to seek His mind on the matter of when we are open to life and how we are educating these children.
5. It is a responsibility for the couple with a lot of different aspects to consider including the welfare of the family including the children who are already present (economically, psychologically, physically) as well as the interests of temporal society, and of the Church.
6. That parents alone of the grace and responsibility to determine what is best for their family, although God in his mercy and wisdom may certainly override that decision!
7. That when couples who have formed their consciences, trust in God’s providence and are willing to live a life of sacrifice for their family, they give glory to God. In fact the document says: Thus, trusting in divine Providence and refining the spirit of sacrifice,(12) married Christians glorify the Creator and strive toward fulfillment in Christ when with a generous human and Christian sense of responsibility they acquit themselves of the duty to procreate. Among the couples who fulfil their God-given task in this way, those merit special mention who with a gallant heart and with wise and common deliberation, undertake to bring up suitably even a relatively large family.(13)

While I understand the argument that this document COULD be a support for a Catholic family following an AP lifestyle for raising their children, in no way does it support that a Catholic family MUST follow an AP lifestyle for raising their children! A couple who is striving to grow in God’s wisdom for their families can read church documents and decide for themselves what is best for their family.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that if you find that laying the baby down in his bassinet in the afternoon assures a nice long three hour nap so that mom can make dinner, work out, fold the laundry or help an older sibling with their math or spelling lessons, there is nothing in Catholic church teaching that says it’s wrong to do that! I myself used a baby swing in the afternoons while I was trying to transcribe medical reports for two or three hours. That was in my judgment, a good for the welfare of my family as so far my brood hasn’t shown themselves to be worthless or wicked (although there is the normal childhood rambunctiousness and naughtiness from time to time! However, I don’t think that’s because they spent too many hours in the baby swing!)

So parents should read good wholesome parenting books, blogs and websites from Christian and Catholic perspectives, weigh them against scripture and what the church teaches, and then depend on God’s grace given through the sacrament of marriage to be able to decide what truly is best for their family.

But whatever young couples discern as they look to increase their knowledge and gain wisdom, it’s important to remember that raising a child takes at least 18 years, and a lot of the little mistakes we make along the way we get a chance to make up for as time goes by as we grow in understanding with our children.

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