End of a swimming era

It’s an interesting dance that Calvin, Mr. Pete and I seem to dancing these days. One of dependence/independence, his perceived wants vs. real needs, trying to treat him as an adult when in reality he is still very much a dependent. I feel as if most of the time we end up treading all over each other’s toes with the resulting pain and sometimes hard feelings.

During the “discussion” held after Calvin came home at 3:00 a.m. a week ago, Calvin asserted that we never support him, we never praise him, and we just have never been there for him. I smiled to myself that not only were we “not guilty” as charged, I have documentation to show otherwise.

Gosh, what an incredibly short memory Calvin has for someone who is only 18 years old! He remembers nothing of all of the swim meets and soccer games we sat through in all types of weather? and apparently my sitting with him the first few times he attended his digital academy on his first ventures to academia outside of our homeschool are lost in the recesses of his mind as well. Of course Mr. Pete also purchased and assembled a very nice computer center for Calvin so that he could do all of his school work on line. One would think that would stand as a daily reminder of love and support. Guess not.

Last night was Senior Recognition night at Calvin’s very last regular high school swim meet. I had received a note about it weeks ago asking for pictures of Calvin and also a paragraph about him. I found a plethora of baby pictures. Since Calvin is our first born, there were tons to choose from. I also wrote what I felt was a very nice article about my son, speaking of his strengths and plans for the future. All of these were going to be assembled with the other Senior Swimmer’s artifacts into a nice keepsake book.

It’s hard to describe the atmosphere between us yesterday. Mr. Pete, of course, was at work so it didn’t affect him too much. But there was just a little awkwardness between Calvin and I. He said he didn’t know if they were still going to have Senior Recognition night because the other team’s school buses had been vandalized the night before. He said that he didn’t care if they had it or not and that he wasn’t sure if he wanted us to come even if they did. What was I planning to wear? Would we bring the other kids? Would his dad have a hair cut?

And then it hit me. Calvin was embarrassed by us! It seemed he was saying that if we came, he was going to be embarrassed by our appearance! We ended it by Calvin getting out of the car at the high school without looking back. At that point he didn’t know if we were coming or not and frankly, neither did I.

I quickly drove over to a local department store. It’s true that I do dress very conservatively and most of the time I look like someone’s mother. It’s also true that because I am carrying a few more pounds than I should, I tend to dress under bulkier clothes. Keeping in mind that baggy doesn’t hide pounds but accentuates them, I found something a little dressier, a little more form fitting and maybe a bit more fun than I usually wear. I splurged on some earrings too and did my makeup. With black slacks, my brand new top, earrings and makeup I think I looked a little fresher and definitely not as matronly. When Mr. Pete got home he was sporting a new hair cut. And while I don’t think anyone would mistakes us for Brad and Angelina, I think we looked appropriate, perhaps young for our age, but definitely not ready to sign up for AARP or food stamps.

We lined up in the hallway with the other senior parents. We were supposed to be in alphabetical order. When the swimmers came out I saw Calvin searching for us. I think I saw a sigh of relief when he found us. We were where we have usually always been, there to support him.

Calvin offered me his arm and we were escorted into the pool area while they read Calvin’s name out loud and the paragraphs I had written about him. They gave me a yellow rose and then we promenaded to the other side of the pool.

We had made it. All of the swim lessons, swim practices, driving to the pool, paying the seasonal fees, waiting for Calvin to get out of the locker room, cheering him on when he was swimming absolutely phenomenally as well as when it seemed he was swimming through muck… all of it was ending this night and I was very proud of all three of us.

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