The Daily Bean vs. HMS

Perhaps some of you were following the train wreck that has been the Heart, Mind and Strength Blog vs. (of all people) Danielle Bean!

Let me just start by saying I agree with a lot of what Dr. Popcak said, and yet I am firmly on Danielle Bean’s side! If AP parenting is the best “Catholic” way to raise babies then someone should have clued Mary, whom the scriptures tell us swaddled her baby before she placed him in the manger!! I’ll probably share my take of his theology later.

I do want to share my personal experience however. There was no baby more AP’d than Calvin. That kid was nursed exclusively for the first four months of his life and then he continued to nurse until he was over 3 years old. He slept between Mr. Pete and me until he was about 3 1/2 and even then we got a little side bed for him. I took him with me everywhere and he was always at my side. And today, I think out of all my children he is the most cocky and in some ways self-centered!

Oh don’t get me wrong. He’s a good kid and lots of people outside of the family including teachers, coaches and other parents tell me so. He is responsible, has kept a job for over 18 months, swims on the swim team and is making pretty decent grades. But right now at age 18, he remains the center of his own universe in a way that his siblings don’t. Maybe it’s first born-itis. Maybe it’s high school senioritis. I don’t know. I do know that there is a difference between him and his siblings in the way they relate to their parents and their home that isn’t there with him right now and the irony is, he got more of my time and attention than they did!

Frankly, if Dr. Popcak had been in the room when I read his I would have had to whip around the other side (read side bar for further info!)

But the AP response would be that, unless God has somehow specifically called a person to act in a manner that is contrary to what he created the child’s body to need (which would be remarkable considering Pope Benedict’s assertion at Ravensburg that the Christian God is a God of order and reason who does not contradict the laws of his own creation) then it is imperative to the bonding process and the health of the mother that children be spaced about 2.5 to 3 years apart (give or take)

“called to act in a manner that is contrary to what he created the child’s body to need?” Does he mean sex? Is Dr. Popcak really implying that couples should not have sex because it might be contrary to what their children need?

Hmmm… well my older sons would probably agree because if we were to conceive another child they might argue that it would take away their teenage need for speed – aka a car! (this time with a working oil light). Or perhaps Rosie (if Rosie understood such things) might agree because if we conceived another child she would lose the “youngest and most adored toddler and baby sibling on the planet” throne to the potential usurper.

Of course my grandparents were not well educated by any means. But I imagine that if any of us had indicated to them for any reason that they shouldn’t practice their conjugal love they would have laughed in our faces and told us to mind our own business!

Look kid’s don’t know what they need. What keeps Calvin from being a totally self-centered jerk is that he has a great brother that shares a room with him, younger siblings to “keep it real” (“Calvin, you’re getting a zit under your nose”) and a baby sister who is not afraid of his bravado and speaks her mind (albeit in toddlerese) without any fear of reprisal! And that’s a good thing. It’s probably just as important to his well-being and development as all the baby holding, coddling, breastfeeding, co-sleeping and the rest of it. And the added benefit is he’ll have these siblings to help him, guide him, laugh with him, laugh at him, love him, hate him, and call him brother …the whole wonderful sibling experience… for the rest of his life, which will hopefully last a lot longer than his infancy did!

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