When I got married, I was very ignorant about what little boys were made of. Oh I had some good examples of what a man was from my grandfather and my uncle, and even some not so good examples of what a father was from my own dad. But I had no experience with little boys and in fact, my own 21-year-old husband was somewhat of a mystery to me.
But I wasn’t too concerned. As the oldest daughter, of an oldest daughter, of an oldest daughter, I was going to have a daughter first! I was convinced of it and so was Mr. Pete. Then 18 years ago this week, after 48 hours of labor, two hours of pushing and a C-section, out came my 9 pound 11 ounce baby boy. I was flabergasted and maybe a little disappointed too. But then I held my precious little (I use the term loosely) baby boy and I was in love with him.
Immediately I started taking pride in him for his masculine qualities. I was proud of his large size and how the newborn hats kept popping of his head because they were too small. Mr. Pete compared our boy to the twins born the same day. Their combined weight did not equal Baby Calvin’s. We took joy in his baby brawn!
And as he grew we were amazed at how masculine our little boy was. He could not be mistaken for a girl! He nursed vigorously and enjoyed his meals with gusto! He filled his diapers with pride! And when he did start solid foods he kept up the nursing too. He was a 25 pounder in no time!
As a toddler his favorite toys were balls and trucks. A trip to Toys R Us led by our son always took us to those departments. Innately he knew his own preferences.
When I was pregnant for the second time, Mr. Pete and three year old Calvin came in for the ultrasound and we could see immediately that I was having another boy.
Technician: “Yep, it’s a boy. See his penis?”
Calvin in cute little toddler voice: “My penis is bigger!”
And so it began. When Sam was born Calvin came into my hospital room and demanded, “Where’s my baby?!” He was somewhat disappointed to see the little blob before h im and abandoned him quickly to watch t.v. But as the early weeks went on Calvin wanted to make sure that his brother was not lonely. Calvin would crawl into his crib to keep Sam company, or worse, take Sam from where I had placed him so that Calvin could be closer to him. Calvin said that Sam was lonely for someone to play with but I think it was the otherway around.
Calvin took delight in proving how much bigger, stronger and smarter he was than Sam at every opportunity. And Sam learned tolerance.
Gabriel was my 10 pounds 12 ounce baby, born in my living room. The midwife let me put him on my chest and I got to announce to the world what he was. I quickly announced that we had “My Three Sons.”
If Sam was a tolerant baby, Gabe was the blissful baby. He rarely cried, he liked to sit and watch things going on around him. If Sam and Calvin fought over the last cookie, it was Gabe who slipped in and took it while no one was watching. Gabe always had (and still does) the most pleasant and loving personality.
With my fourth child, I figured we would probably have another boy. He too was born at home. I had put food out for the doctor and my doula as well as my mom and the kids. I noted that the bowl of chili wasn’t going down as fast as the jar of jelly beans and dish of cookies. But no one seemed to mind and I was too busy to care. I was standing when Noah came out and I remember the doctor telling Pete “Grab him, he’s slippery!” He came out soooo fast and that is what Calvin, Sam and Gabe remember about it. One moment he wasn’t there, and the next he was. I think because they had all of that sweet food and then only saw the last two seconds of childbirth (labor bored them) they have a very healthy warm remembrance of Noah’s birth.
So I had my four sons alone for one year before my first girl was born. They continue to amaze and challenge me. Each one of them is a true boy to the core, but I think it is the way that the exhibit compassion, love, sincerety and other qualities through there masculinity that teaches me something new all of the time.
One of my favorite memories of having these little boys was the first time I brought home the movie Rockie from the library. This was totally new to them. They watched in awe as Rocky struggle to overcome his challenges. When he almost beat Apollo Creed, the young testosterone was practically dripping off the walls. Even at their ages they got it, and they appreciated it.
Nine years ago, young Calvin took a lot of pleasure out of playing mean little tricks on his little brothers. I warned him then that they would not stay little forever and that one day, they would be physically able to retaliate – and there were three of them! I’ve seen signs of that already. They disapprove of some of the choices Calvin has made with his car and his social life. If he punches them even in jest, he is now likely to get punched back.
But they are also there for each other too. The neighborhood kid’s don’t want to hear “I’m going to get my big brother(s)” from Noah. It strikes fear in their hearts. Calvin takes Sam out in his car to festivals and to hangout. Sam plays with Gabe and Noah. And of course they all look after their sisters.
My prayer for them is that the bond brotherhood they were born into continues to grown and strengthen between them for the rest of their lives. I hope they always remember that they are never alone.
Even after Mr. Pete and I are gone, they will always have each other.
Lives of Loveliness at 
tomorrow.