Appropriately, this week’s Lives of Loveliness Fair is concentrating on Fathers.
My own father-figure I was growing up was my Grandpa. I didn’t realize it at the time, but he and my Grandma made the selfless act of opening their home to their separated pregnant daughter and toddler granddaughter(me!) They never made me or my sister feel like we were just living there by their own good graces. I always felt that their home was my home. My grandfather scolded me when I needed to be scolded, but I think he preferred to stay out of it most of the time. He let me hang around with him in the garden, he taught me to drive a tractor, he went to endless dance recitals, band concerts, football games, and other programs.
When I started dating Mr. Pete, he immediately was very cautious about him. But once Pete worked into Grandpa’s good graces they were good friends for the rest of Grandpa’s life. In fact sometimes I wondered if Mr. Pete was dating me or my grandfather? A few times he drove out to my house only to be high jacked by my grandfather to go into town with him and hob knob with his fellow farmer friends. I always thought it was extremely nice of Pete to always go with my grandfather without complaint, to spend hours visiting with other 70-something men and talk about politics and farming, before he got to spend any time with his girlfriend!
And over the years I have come to realize that the reason I was so attracted to Mr. Pete was that he is like my Grandpa in so many ways! He has a deep faith and sees loving and serving his family as part of his role as a Christian husband and father. He works hard. He makes due. He sees the good in people and is always painfully optimistic. He makes me feel beautiful even when I know that I truly am not. He can fix anything and in fact he prefers to fix rather than buy new. I think I see what my Grandpa came to see in him as a prospective grandson-in-law. I made a good choice!
I need to say a word about my late father-in-law today as well. I didn’t get to know him very well as he died shortly after our marriage. I do remember his wonderful sense of humor! One day he came to pick up Pete and his brothers from high school, in the family car, wearing a Farrah Fawcett wig. All the kids laughed and pointed, and my FIL acted like he had no idea what they were laughing at! I remember Mr. Pete and his brothers laughing too, although I think they were a bit embarrassed to get in the car with him! I also remember the one and only New Years I got to spend with him as his daughter-in-law. We went to a dinner dance and my FIL wore sunglasses that lit up when he pressed a key in his suit coat. He would go up to people and shake hands and then blink his sunglasses at them as a surprise. The DJ at the dance found the old record, “Cheap Sunglasses” and played it in honor of my FIL, who gladly stood in the center of the dance floor and did a solo! Blinking sunglasses and all!
As silly as all that sounds, my FIL had a serious side as well. He won the purple heart after sustaining an injury in WWII. He married his war-time sweetheart. He lived his faith and he fathered and raised 9 children, all of whom grew up to be responsible citizens and and good people. I often wish my children would have had a chance to know him!
I guess I should say something about my own dad too. Maybe he’s a study somewhat in what not to do. I wish I had had a chance to know him more as I grew up. I wish he had written and called more. I wish he had insisted that my sister and I knew him for who he was instead of just hearing one side of the story against him. I wish he had made better choices as an adult. I wish he hadn’t been an alcoholic. That said, I don’t remember him being anything but gentle and sweet with me with a good sense of humor, and that’s enough reason for me to honor him as well on this Father’s Day.
My hope for the future of my own four sons is that they will learn from the good and the not so good examples of the men who came before them. I see how Calvin and Sam act with their younger siblings and I think they will be great dads if that is the role God chooses for them. I hope that they will always appreciate and honor the hard work and sacrifice of their father and grandfathers.
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