We’ve been the parents of a “teenager” now for five years and I will say that although there have been ups and downs, it has been mostly a good experience. I will also say that for us, as parents of a teenage, first born male, the hardest part has been the last six months or so since he has had a driver’s license.
I am the sort of mother who has tried to instill a sense of family loyalty and support into all of my children. We take them to the family reunions to see their cousins so that they can have a sense of the bigger families they belong to and get a feeling for “clan.” I think I have been successful at that with all of my children, but there is something about my oldest son that makes him want to put distance between us. Having access to a car has made that worse.
We didn’t actually get HIM a car. The car is in my husband’s name. It is an older Lincoln Continental that he picked up from a friend for $300. The adjustable air shocks in the front were causing a lot of problems when we first got the car, so Mr. Pete took those out and put in regular shocks. We paid for all of those repairs and Mr. Pete did his own labor. We do require Calvin to pay for his own gas and insurance. That said, the purpose of having the third car was to make life easier FOR ME! This was a way for Calvin to get to his own swimming activities, school and work without having to depend on me for a ride. It also saved him for having to figure out public transportation. Overall, that part has worked well.
But you know I’m going to use the “G” word soon right… there’s a Girl at work that Calvin became smitten with last fall. They work in the same Natatorium. He’s a Lifeguard and she works for the Subway Sandwhich company. A girl who can make a killer sandwhich- it was destiny. SO after work he would take her home. And then he would stay and they would watch movies, eat with her family or whatever. Soon we were not seeing him at all on Saturday night – until Sunday morning! It was nerve wracking.
First Calvin said we weren’t clear on his curfew. Well apparently we were both unclear because Pete and I thought his curfew was midnight. Calvin thought it was open ended. He was also unclear about the part where he needed to call if he was going to be late and about the part where his dad could disable the car so that it wouldn’t start.
We slowly worked through some of those problems. I called this girl’s father and asked her to send my novice-driver son home at 11:30 p.m. so that he could make it by 12:00. This dad sounded very nice and cooperative and said he would. He did… once. We continued to struggle with Calvin showing up at 1:00 a.m. 2:00 a.m. and once even at 3:00 a.m. So we took the car away for a week. Between walking home from school and from swim practice Calvin must have put in an extra 10 miles on his athletic shoes that week literally running to meet all of his obligations. We even drove him to work and picked him up. That reminded him for a while, but he was still refusing to comply with our curfew. Fortunately the State of Ohio passed a new curfew for young drivers 18 and under of 1:00 a.m. for weekends (if you are coming home from work) and 12:00 for week nights. Calvin will comply with the State of Ohio even if he is ignoring us.
So we have had a compromise.
The big thing is the stupid prom this weekend. Calvin had it all worked out. He wsa going to borrow our 15 passengar van to drive his girlfriend and 7 of their closest couple friends (count 14 kids) to the prom, and then to after prom, and then to his girlfriend’s house where they would all spend the night before getting on a bus the next day to go to a local amusement park!
Mr. Pete okayed the van part. He thought Calvin would be safer driving that instead of hot rodding around in his own car. When I pointed out how TOTALLY INSANE IT WAS TO HAVE OUR 17 YEAR OLD SON DRIVING AROUND 14 KIDS WE DIDN’T EVEN KNOW ON PROM NIGHT, he changed his mind. He told Calvin that he personally would drive Calvin and his friends around – or Calvin could just stick with his own four-passengar car. Somehow, I think Calvin is going to opt for that instead of being chauffered by his father.
But we are still having a disagreement about the part where he spends the night over at his girlfriend’s house! First of all, that father promised to send my kid home at 11:30 and only did it once. He broke my trust as far as I’m concerned. I want parental assurances from the MOTHER that the kids are going to be chaperoned and the boys and girls will be in separate places. If that doesn’t happen, he’s not spending the night.
Even if all of those conditions are met, our son is going to be gone essentially from midSaturday through Sunday night and I just hate that. I wish I knew this girl and her family better. I ultimately wish we had not been so trusting in giving him a car for his own use.
I guarantee that’s a mistake I won’t be making with my other children.
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