The best of times… if I want them to.

What a funny time Christmas has become for me. I’ve already expressed my holiday angst about the time, trouble and expense Christmas is. When I was a little girl I could never have imagined I would feel that way about Christmas. It’s the highpoint of the year for a family with a house full of children! I keep pushing those thoughts to the back.

This is the last Christmas where all of my children are minor children. Next year Calvin will be 18 and legally an adult. Next year the baby will be 2. (For those keeping score, that means I had one learning to drive and one learning to walk at the same time this year!!) It goes by so quickly.

I’m not pregnant this month. Didn’t suppose that I would be, but when I mentioned to Mr. Pete that that time of the month had arrived again he asked me, “Are you sad?” It was a funny question. I wasn’t sad, or surprised, but it is funny to think that perhaps there won’t be any more babies. I would be okay with another baby but I would be okay with what I have on my plate too. I like the big uncertainty of it all and that I’m not really in charge of any of it. I don’t know how people definitively end their childbearing years without some sadness or regret. I just don’t. I have loved every minute of my motherhood, even the minutes I hated!! I wouldn’t trade any of it and I wouldn’t avoid any of it either.

I did not make a single cookie this Christmas. Sammy and I bought $71.00 worth of supplies and he made five different cookies. By the end I think he was really appreciating how much work baking is! He chose some pretty interesting recipes. Surprisingly, out of all the cookie cookbooks he has, the Mrs. Fields cookie book made the worst cookies!! blech!!! I don’t know if he didn’t follow the directions thoroughly or what, but they weren’t very good. We’ll make note of that for next year! (Might be adding that book to my Amazon and Half.bay sales!)

Anyway, the cookies are all made, the cards are all sent, presents mostly all ready to go, and we will do the wrapathon on Christmas Eve. (That’s where Mr. Pete and I stay up late, watching a movie, I fall asleep on the couch and he wraps everything up!)

I am starting to feel less stressed and ready to concentrate more and more on the mystery of Christmas.

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