I’ve been following along in a friend’s blog during her pregnancy and have enjoyed her stories about new motherhood. This week she received some unsolicited advice from a stranger while she had the baby out. Some of the comments from her thread yesterday have surprised me!
I have never had any negative old biddy drive-by’s. Instead they ust wanted to touch her with their rageedy tobacco stained flourescent pink Lee press on nails and kiss her with their tobacco breath and orange lipstick. Which is a hunnerd times worse than them saying anything negative.
Wow. ugh. I hate those drive-bys. It happens to me alot in the winter because my daughter refuses to wear gloves and everyone points it out to me. My general answer is, “okay, you’re welcome to come over in the morning and you fight with my kid to keep the gloves on.” It generally shuts them up.
Oh, gotta love the drive-bys. Especially from old biddies that haven’t had a baby at home in 50 years.
Everybody’s got something to say especially old people. They’re so old, they feel like they’ve got a license to be rude, right?
Oy, drive bys. I got one today, at Starbucks. “oh, he’s tired, poor little guy”. Yeah, well then hurry up with that damned drink so I can get him home!
This old biddy kept coming up to me and telling me he was a) gonna fall out and b) freezing to death in there. It was about 15 degrees Celsius (warm day, in other words) and I was sweating like a pig since the kid was pumping out heat like a miniature furnace! Meanwhile she kept reaching in the sling and touching his face with her dirty hands! Husband always said it was lucky it hadn’t been him there that day or I’d have had to bail him out of jail…
I swear I hope I die before I get like that.
:::BLINK BLINK:::
If I ever had any doubt before that older women aren’t appreciated in this culture, my eyes have now been opened! Not only do we lose any designation like “old lady” or even “old woman” but we become “a biddy.” Is it any wonder that women like Barbara Walters and Joan Rivers, etc. spend millions of dollars to look 35 when they’re pusing 70! And advice, well intentioned or not, is just not appreciated and will probably be misconstrued anyway. Apparently experience has a shelf life. The experience and wisdom gamed from having a baby 50 years ago, even if you had ten of them, evaporates into thin air when the last one graduates from high school.
But I’m glad I read this. I don’t thik I qualify as an “old biddy” yet, seeing as I still have young children, but I’m probably on the brink. So as this all relates to the verse in Titus II for older women to teach the younger women I have these thoughts.
First, I don’t think this command applies to strangers. I think when Paul said for older women to teach the younger women he meant young women you know, like your daughters or grand daughters, or nieces that have to put up with you, or neighborhood girls, women, or students that seek you out. Everyone else you teach at a distance and by example only.
Secondly there are only a few things you can say to a mother with a baby in public that you don’t personally know. In fact just two words, “Cute baby!” said with enthusiasm and with a big smile. That’s it.
Thirdly, unless you see a mother about to hack her baby apart with a chain saw – sit down and keep your mouth shut!! Issues about how the baby is dressed, or what the baby is crying about, or anything like that is just not a battle to be getting involved with. Unless the mother looks at you with tears in her eyes and specifically asks for your help and advice – DON’t OFFER ANY!! Now I don’t think that means you have to disappear. My instinct is to stay by perhaps in case they need you, but don’t be too obvious about it. Be willing without looking imposing.
Fourth, don’t touch other people’s kids unless they offer. Unless you have a pack of sterile gloves with you I think new moms today are just too creeped out by regular touching etc.
Related Tags: spirituality, titus 2, motherhood, aging
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