Needing a retreat and prayer time – A mother’s dilemma

Calvin came back from his Youth Conference at Franciscan University in Steubenville last night. I always love it when he comes back from those conferences. He is so on fire for his faith, so loving, so respectful, so… different! He describes adoration as “awesome” and confession as “freeing.” He even told me that he has searched himself to make sure, but right now he does not feel he is being called to the priesthood. Apparently a speaker who as a husband and father talked about how the bible commands men to defend their families- that touched his heart in some way. So maybe he will become a husband and father, or another advocate for families some way. It’s exciting to see what the Lord has planned.

What I mainly got from Calvin though was a longing in my own soul to just have some time to think and ponder and be alone. You may laugh at this, but last year when I had my scheduled C-section, I was looking forward to having a little peace and quiet without housework, or transcription or anything but the baby. That’s pretty sad when major abdominal surgery becomes a form of retreat! But for me that’s all there was.

I mentioned this to Mr. Pete and he sympathizes, but there’s really not a lot we can do about it right now. There simply is not the time, money or resources for a few days away, certainly nothing like a Woman’s Conference. My daughter is still nursing anyway; I could not leave her. So I think this week I am going to formulate some time and some readings, including Real Learning to give me a chance to have at least a mental break. I need some encouragement and uplifting words as summer heads into the homestretch and before I tackle the business of fall again.

My oldest turns 17 this week. I have only one more year to officially be his “mom.” I know I will always be his mom but after that I won’t be his buffer any more. In a way I feel like he’s my science experiment I’m turning loose on the world!! EEK!! Did I do enough? Did I do too much? What can I do this last year to make an impact, to make a difference? I’ve got to put some serious prayer time into this.

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Related Tags: prayer, motherhood, retreat, adolescence, spirituality

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