Titus 2: 3  “Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. 4Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God”

I am more convinced than ever now, that this commend to older women, is NOT just for the benefit of the younger women and their families, but more of a PENANCE to the older women for all of the trouble, annoyance, and irritability they caused the older women in their lives during their youth!. It’s the perfect Penance; the epitome of the old saying, “what goes around comes around!” 

It is also a way for us to grind away at those last vestiges of pride.  Nothing will humble you faster than a young woman who refuses to accept your wisdom and guidance, unless of course it’s the young woman who ignores it completely!  But for a real double whammy in character building, God sometimes lets us middle-age somethings struggle with giving out our well intentioned advice,  while our own mother and/or mentors are still on this earth and simultaneously trying to do the same thing for us!   With such pressure on both sides, the only way NOT to become squeezed into a fine gem stone (more precious than rubies) is with absolute stubbornness that presses back both ways, usually in short tempered remarks in both directions!

Oh how I struggle with this!!  I want to scream and shout to younger moms, “HEY!! I’ve been where you are!!   You are making a mistake.  Let me explain why!!  

At the same time my mother in her ever-more-gently voice, will simply state, “I wish you would ________fill in the blank.  She doesn’t say it often.  She doesn’t say it loudly.  But it cuts like a knife.  And she’s usually right. 

At almost 80 she doesn’t have to speak loudly.  She isn’t even harsh.  It’s a quiet gentle tone said with kindness.  Maybe I hear it (even though I don’t like it) because I do respect her.  I know she’s correct.  I know she has the life experience that I lack. 

Yet, even though I’m smart enough to see that, why is it so hard for me to accept that women 20 years or more younger than me couldn’t possibly share that vision..  Youth is in the way!   Their bodies still feel good, look good, and act as they should for the most part. 40 seems years and years away; 80 is ancient.  The problems they face are so immediate, so now, as if nothing else could ever be worse than what is happening at this second.  Of course at 40-something, I know there is.  At almost 80- my mom has lived through much worse!

So we know because we’ve been there, but we didn’t listen when we were younger, but now that we’re older we do, and we want to share, but of course the women we’re supposed to share with won’t listen because they’re younger and can’t possibly know… It’s a paradox!

Thinking back though, the wise women who were able to SNAP me out of my self-centered existence are the ones who did it forcefully, emphatically, with gusto!!   As I moved into my 30s, the “teach by example” women started to influence me, but that was because I had kids and was too exhausted to struggle against it!  And it worked. 

But it finally occurered to me that although I am required I try to lead by example, and speak up when I feel compelled to, there really might not be a tangible perk for me in any of it.  I don’t even think as a Christian I’m allowed to say, “Told you so!” And that’s what convinces me that this exercise in near-futility is as much for my own good, as the good of any lives I might possibly touch.