Whatever happened to thank- you notes?

Whatever happened to thank- you notes? – Yahoo! News: “By Olivia Barker, USA TODAY

Tue Dec 27, 7:29 AM ET

This time of year, when virtually everyone owes someone a thank-you, many people assume that if they open a present in the presence of the giver, no formal thank-you is required.

Even when it comes to expensive baby shower and wedding gifts, the thank-you note increasingly is becoming the thank-you not. Putting fountain pen to ecru eggshell has just about gone the way of plunking IBM Selectric keys onto onion skin.

It’s not just that people don’t write as many personal notes as they used to. Today, when gratitude is expressed in writing, it’s often done grudgingly, as obligation rather than art – via a casual card or e-mail with a generic, hastily scribbled message: ‘Thank you for the present.’

The trend is a reflection of how Americans’ short attention spans and electronically wired lives – combined with a diminished mindfulness of etiquette – have made the USA, well, a pretty ungrateful nation.

Faced with such transgressions of taste, what would that guru of good manners, first lady Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, do? “Faint,” says Shelly Branch, co-author of What Would Jackie Do? An Inspired Guide to Distinctive Living.

The impersonal nature of the mass e-mail that landed in Morris’ inbox would drive Onassis – who was legendary for dashing off her thank-you notes within 24 hours – to the smelling salts, Branch says.

Such e-mails amount to nothing more than confirmation of a gift’s delivery, she says. Instead of conveying appreciation, the sentiment screams, ” ‘Yes, I got it! Routing number XYZ!’ It’s horrible.”

Since the hip elegance of President Kennedy’s Camelot, “we’ve seen a decline in formality,” says Tom Farley, editor of Town & Country Modern Manners: The Thinking Person’s Guide to Social Graces. Dressing up for dinner and verbal courtesies such as “sir” or “ma’am” are all but obsolete, to the relief of many.

But standard civility also is being challenged. A 2002 Public Agenda survey found that a plurality of adults (48%) only “sometimes” encountered people who made an effort to say “please” and “thank you”; 16% said they saw such behavior “practically never.” In a 1998 Gallup Poll, 30% of adults said they made a point of expressing thanks or gratitude to others only “some of the time.”

Fill-in-the-blanks thanks

I’ve always admired Jackie Kennedy – think I’ll start working on my thank you notes and have the kids do so as well!