Tales of a Wedding Coordinator

From time to time on this blog I have written about my little job as a wedding coordinator for my parish. Basically, a wedding coordinator runs the wedding rehearsal to free up some time for the priests. In the good ole days, it was the priest who lined up the groomsmen and the bridesmaids and put everyone through their paces, and while that’s nice, I guess that isn’t really one of their priestly duties. Here’s kind of an example at one church on what a wedding coordinator does! It very similar in my parish church.

I got the gig in an unusual way. About a month after my 6th baby was stillborn, I was going through some pretty heavy grief issues. It was just before Christmas and I thought I should probably make it to confession as I had just spent four weeks doing some pretty heavy fist shaking in a heavenly direction. I was standing in line to see our pastor, when the associate who did our baby’s funeral went into his confessional and I know he saw me standing in line. I stood there about 5 more minutes waiting for someone else to move into the Associate’s empty confessional box but no one budged – sigh… so I trudged over there. There was no point going behind the screen because he had already seen me, he knew my voice – so I just went into the “reconcilliation room” part of the confessional and went face-to-face.

After five minutes of tears and gut spilling, I received absolution and was up on my way out the door when Father said, “Oh Elena, would you be interested in being a wedding coordinator?”

I had no clue what that was. Father basically told me it was running the rehearsal and helping the day of the wedding. Then he said the magic words, “It pays $50, and all you have to do is get them down the aisle.”

I told him I’d think about it. That Lent I did my very first wedding.

Turns out there’s more to it than “just get them down the aisle.” You have to call the bride, or groom, or someone who wants to be the contact person (sometimes its a mother of the bride or groom) and find out what they want for their wedding, like is it going to be a mass or just a ceremony, are they going to have an aisle runner or unity candle? Do they want the groomsmen to walk down the aisle with the bridesmaids, or meet them at the T aisle in the middle of the church, or just stand up front? Lots of decision. And I discovered that once you make that contact, they will call you for EVERYTHING!!

From the priest’s point of view there really was more expected of the wedding coordinator than originally meets the eye too. I learned how to close up the church after the rehearsal. I know how to override the air conditioning timer. This summer I also learned how to set up the microphones for the musicians when whe had a guest pianist come in and no one else knew how to do it! I know how to bring out and set up the 30 pound candelabras and how to make them rise and fall. I know how to get flowers from the diocese to match the bridal colors at a cheaper price than you could ever get from a florist!

I also learned after the first wedding that it was very helpful to bring one of my sons to the gig. I bring either Sam or Gabe. There’s simply too much running around to do for one person. My sons have helped me tape down aisle runners (I guess that’s part of “get em down the aisle),” set up the chairs for the bride and groom, put out the candelabras, turn off the church lights, give everyone their payment envelopes etc. The best thing they do for me though is run back and tell Father that we are about ready to start so he doesn’t have to keep peeking his head around the corner. They also run up to the choir loft and count bridesmaids for the organist.

Last weekend Gabe helped me. As I was about to have the moms go up to light the unity candle, one of the moms looked at me and said, “But Grandma’s not here yet!!” She wanted to call grandma on the cell phone and wouldn’t go down the aisle. So I sent Gabe running upstairs to tell the organist to stretch things out because we were waiting for grandma. Then he ran to tell Father that we were waiting for grandma. 2 minutes later he was running the same circuit to tell everyone we were starting – WITHOUT grandma, but hey it was already almost 10 minutes late by then and Gabe was sweating and catching his breath!

As I gain experience I think I offer more and more to my couples. I now know I MUST have copies of the readings and the petitions, because readers can’t be counted on to bring a copy themselves. One reader didn’t tell anyone he didn’t have his reading until it was his time to stand to the podium! I know that if the aisle runner doesn’t pull easily, you have to cut the string and then it will run right. If you don’t it’ll be murder on the guys who have to unroll the runner. I also know that you can’t count on how long that runner is going to be. It could end anywhere!

I can sew a button on a shirt or jacket with the person still wearing it! I can pin a flower on a gent or a lady in under 20 seconds flat. In fact, I had one women with 9 groomsmen and assorted males that all needed flowers and the florist just left the flowers while the family expected me to distribute and pin.

“Just get em down the aisle.”

I know that you have to remind the women to wear feminine protection, just in case. I had a maid of honor leave the front of the church during the homily because she started her period and she wasn’t wearing any underwear because she didn’t want to have a panty line. Eew. I now carry pads an tampons in my wedding box.

Yep. To “just get em down the aisle” I purchased a wedding box. I have safety pins, straight pins, tape, extra copy of the book with all the readings in it, a ring of white satin flowers to go around a unity candle, candle holders, aspirin – everything.

It’s also nice that Sam can actually serve a wedding, as can Calvin because inevitably a couple of times a year, servers forget to show up. The servers are supposed to get $10 each, so that’s a nice little plus for Sam. When Sam serves, Gabe becomes my runner and I pay him $2. In a couple of years Gabe can serve too and I’ll train Noah and then onward with Izzy and Rose. (See why it’s nice to have a large family!) When I’m out of kids I’m quitting the wedding coordinator business.

Most of the people have been just super nice to us. Sometimes not. Last weekend I couldn’t find my groomsmen and ended up herding the guests into the church myself. I found them sitting around a table in the sacristiy drinking wine 10 minutes before the wedding. When I shooed them out of there to go seat the guests (not to mention dissing our church by consuming alcohol near our holy sanctuary – I mean, come on, how tacky!) they gave me lip and attitude. One of them even mocked me like children would a strict teacher or something. I already had my $50 so I didn’t care.

I’ve had a bride lock her bouquet in the brides room and I’ve had to run all over the campus looking for someone with a key to the room (they don’t let me have a key because they don’t want to give too many of those out – how dumb is that?)

I try to cover a lot of this when I talk to the bride, or at the rehearsal. I wonder sometimes if these couples ever think of me again. I know they are all starting to blur together in my head now. I’ve done probably close to 40 weddings. I try to make the day run smoothly, and I try to help them avoid the small disasters I’ve witnessed. You better believe I’m going to add the “No booze before the wedding” to my speech now. But mostly, now that I feel more comfortable in my roll, I try to give the couple a sense of security, of peace, a sense that someone else is handling the details so they can just enjoy the ceremony. I also try to give them a sense of reverence and solemnity of the sacrament but also the festivity and joy that a wedding brings. It’s a balancing act for sure, but I am enjoying the experience.

Please browse my Amazon sales and eBay items!