Even though you see something very bad about your neighbor, don’t jump immediately to conclusions, but rather make excuses for him interiorly. Excuse his intention, if you cannot excuse his action. Think that he may have acted out of ignorance, or by surprise, or accidentally. If the thing is so blatant that it cannot be denied, even so, believe it to be so, and say inwardly: the temptation must have been very strong.
St. Bernard
1 Hear me, O God, as I voice my complaint;
protect my life from the threat of the enemy.
2 Hide me from the conspiracy of the wicked,
from that noisy crowd of evildoers.
3 They sharpen their tongues like swords
and aim their words like deadly arrows.
4 They shoot from ambush at the innocent man;
they shoot at him suddenly, without fear.
5 They encourage each other in evil plans,
they talk about hiding their snares;
they say, “Who will see them [a] ?”
6 They plot injustice and say,
“We have devised a perfect plan!”
Surely the mind and heart of man are cunning. Psalm 64
I think St. Bernard never met my cousin.
When I was in my late 20s, my husband and I had enough extra money to fly out to visit my father. It was my first time to visit him on his ranch since I had left as a toddler. We had such a good time that a few years later we returned with my sister and her family and we got to know my dad a lot better as well as become acquainted with friends and extended family. One of those family members was a first cousin that I had never heard of before. I was struck by how interested she seemed to be in us! She wanted to know about our lives and where we lived and she made sure to be around a lot while we were visiting my father.
Several years later, when my parents reconciled and my mom moved back in, this cousin became like a “second daughter” to my mother. I was grateful that she was so helpful, but I had a little feeling in my gut whenever my mom called her that. I thought perhaps that was my own feeling of jealousy – that perhaps my cousin was replacing me in my mother’s affections. My sister on the other hand just outright didn’t trust her. My sister is good. She and I compliment each other so well.
As it turns out, my sister was right and that gut feeling was something I should have heeded instead of chalking up to my own shortcomings. Under the guise of taking care of my elderly parents, she took them down to an attorney and had them sign over all of my father’s property to her!!
Unluckily for her, my mother turned out to have a personality altering brain tumor which was diagnosed and cared for HERE. Unfortunate because there is ample physical evidence in the fomr of medical records to show that my mother was not of sound mind when she signed, and she would testify that my father, (who was suffering from dementia) was not either. After my mother realized what had happened we became plaintiffs in a very expensive law suit. And even at that we were only able to get 2/3s of that property back. And now 6 months after my father’s death it looks like my dear cousin (henceforth on this blog to be known as my evil first cousin or EFC) is willing to go to court again to fight us for every material good my father ever owned.
So while I do think it is good to give people the benefit of a doubt, I think it is also wise to hold some in reserve and to be cautious. Not everyone is good, not everyone has the best of intentions. Spend an hour watching the Jerry Springer show or Maury Povich, and that becomes abundantly clear.!
Hat tip to theHappy Catholic for the St. Bernard quote!