What it feels like to lose a baby.

This seems like a good explanation. If you’ve ever had a friend, loved one, wife, mother, sister, who has lost a baby and wondered how they felt about it, maybe this will help you to understand.

From stillnomore.org.

Haven’t we all at one time been in a movie theater when the film broke? One moment we’re caught up in the action and suddenly, there is no story on the screen. Time out while the projectionist rethreads the rest of the reel. If only life were like that. If only sudden interruptions could pick up where they left off. But they can’t always.

The birth of a dead baby is a break in the action. The story is over. We get to say hello and goodbye in the same breath. Instead of a bright future, all we’re left with is shattered dreams of what might have been. When the movie breaks we get our money back. In real life when the “film” breaks we’re given a fetal death certificate. No baby to take home. No reward for the months of waiting. No acknowledgement for our having given birth.

When we discover that what once lived within us is dead we want to run away. But we can’t, just yet. First we must deliver our baby, just like the mothers of live babies do. We must endure the pain. Just like mothers of live babies. And when it’s over we get to hold our baby, just like mothers of live babies do. But then we have to give our baby back and go home to an empty nursery.

Contrary to what the pundits say, it is possible to fool Mother Nature. She doesn’t know our baby died, and so she dutifully produces milk to nourish and protect that, which is no longer living. She knows we gave birth. We know we gave birth. But the state says not. Stillbirth mothers are not yet acknowledged as mothers by most states, but we’re working to change that.

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