Amy Welborn had a discussion/debate/war on her blog regarding NFP and new technology from Georgetown University.
A few things in the comments section caught my eye and I’ll take the time now to comment on one of them.
One of the reasons why some Catholic couples reject large families is that they can’t figure out how to stretch time, energy, and finances to accommodate large families. Personally, I’m curious how parents of five or seven do that. They have to be interacting with their children in a different way than parents of one or two. So what are the specific trade-offs? What do you get in exchange for what most American families can recognize that you lose? I suspect there are positive answers to these questions, but really don’t know what they are.
As someone who had only one sibling, married a man with 8 siblings, and the mother of 5 children I’m going to address what I thought was obvious but maybe not. When you have more kids, the kids entertain and intract with each other and that takes some of the time and expenditure of energy away from the adults! In some respects having one baby was MUCH harder than having a toddler and a baby, because with the one baby I WAS IT! I was the caregiver and the entertainer/companion. With my second baby, my then-three-year-old, was much funnier and more entertaining with him than I was!! Not that they both didn’t need to be supervised – they did, but I noticed I got bigger snatches of time to make dinner, or fold laundry, or go to the bathroom when they were cuddled together watching a show, playing quietly, than when I only had one. That continues as they grow up. If they want to go out and play kickball for example… all five of them go out and play…and I don’t have to always pitch!!
I try to hug and touch all of my children whenever I can literally. In the kitchen, in the living room, loading into the car… whatever. I am always giving loving touches to my kids. I listen to my kids too, even if I have to put my eyes on glaze and my expression on auto pilot, I give them the respect of letting them talk to me and have their say, or share a story etc. Homeschooling has given me a unique opportunity to get to know them all as individuals.
OK, the money thing is hard. I give up a lot of things that I need for myself for the sake of my kids. The two oldest share a room and the three young ones do too although the boys will be moving out into a sitting room we are turning into a bedroom soon so my daughter will have a room to herself. They don’t have the newest games, most of their clothes are second hand,and many of their toys are off of eBay. What they have learned is that money is important and they shouldn’t waste it! They know the stuff we do spend money on must be important and that they should always economize.
What I’m getting in return, so far, are kids that have a sense of responsibility, that love the Lord, love their parents, and love each other. Kids who think of a good time as going camping as a family and who talk from time to time about how wonderful it would be to get a new baby. These are kids who spend time around the dinner table with each other, play together, fight together, and then cram in front of the t.v. together happy to watch whatever Dad, the “Remote control master” has decided to watch. They’re growing into good people and into a strong family unit that I think we just might get all into heaven. – I don’t think there is a better payoff than that!
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