It’s a girl’s weekend. The guys went to my husband’s family reunion, but my darlin girl stayed home with me when we discovered that her favorite first cousin, once removed, wasn’t going to be there. Since the majority of the other cousins are boys, and the closest girl cousins are only 1 and 12, Izzy decided she would have more fun having complete control of the t.v. without her brothers, something that doesn’t happen too much when you are only 5 AND the only girl.

I almost went this year, but I had a chance to coordinate this wedding and earn $50, (which I need to buy stuff for homeschool) AND I didn’t want to pay to board the dog again. My husband doesn’t think that’s a big deal, but he doesn’t pay the credit card bills. So the doggy is here protecting house and home and since she’s a female too, it really is an estrogen weekend. Poor Bill the Cat!

Last year I didn’t go to the reunion because my sister-in-law was going to be there with her new baby and it was just too soon after my loss. Our babies would have been weeks apart in age and it just hurt too much, it was too raw. I wanted my baby to hold, to nurse, to love, and fuss over. It’s not that I begrudged my sister-in-law whom I love, admire and respect and who was really a great support during my miscarriage, it was just that it was too painful of a reminder.

This year I’m not as tender. But I did think I had a possibility of being pregnant. Turns out I’m not. The exhaustion I feel is from trying to maintain a household that 5 men seen determined to turn upside down, and planning a schedule, and getting ready to homeschool in the fall, and keeping 5 kids happy during the summer, and driving to swim practice and swim lessons, and trying to keep my transcription accounts happy, and trying to get to the bottom of that endless pile of laundry and and and… but still I thought I might go.

When I found out a baby isn’t in the works, at least not now, I thought about my weekend. It would mean travel today, eating, lots of sitting and talking, losing out on the $50 from the wedding, adding to my debt load with boarding the dog, catching up on my transcription, cleaning house in a hurry, and spending lots of time watching that 1 year old and wondering what mine would have been like.

AAAGGGHHH!! It just seemed easier all the way around to stay home.

The bridal party I am working with today is very nice. The bride is the youngest of 10 and 9 girls and 1 brother. Her mom has passed on so they are reading a special poem called “My Mother, My friend” just before the mass starts and they will be lighting a memorial candle for her before the mass starts. The unity candle will be lit from that light. I love it when couples remember their dead that way. It’s such a beautiful reminder of the communion of saints.

When I get back, Izzy and I are going to stock up on some chick flicks. She is happily watching Beauty and the Beast for the 3rd time this weekend. Maybe we can get the Little Mermaid or Snow White. I’m in the mood for a Demi Moore flick since my husband can’t stand her so we don’t usually get those. The Seventh Seal or About Last Night come to mind and I haven’t seen them in ages. I want to see if they seem dated to me now.

Anyway, no deep theological or political issues, I just need to concentrate and enjoy the solitude today.

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