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I had a slow week. I’m a bit preoccupied I guess.
Nonetheless, Jennie ( who is like a terrier with a bone) brought a few apologetic diversions from my archives and on her blog.
As my mom’s life nears it’s end. As she finishes running the race, I have gotten a lot of comfort from this letter from the Michigan Catholic Conference of Bishops. I want to share some of the highlights that have had deep meaning for me.
The prospect of our own inevitable dying, and watching our loved ones die, naturally raises anxieties and fears about our capacity to bear the physical pain and psychological stress that might be connected to the dying process. We fear the possibility of being alone and forgotten. We perhaps lack the appropriate information about the proper steps to take in planning for our future death and that of our loved ones. We worry about the financial resources required for long-term care.
For many people the dying process is especially frightening because it seems to be the final and most complete moment of isolation, separation and loneliness. We imagine being caught in unending physical agony with no one who could possibly understand, much less comfort us. Following the voice of fear, we run away from death and desperately try to put it out of mind and sight—as far and as long as possible. And when it seems that death can no longer be avoided, we are naturally tempted to consider a quick escape or exit.
Dying is Part of Living
We often think that death is the end of the story. We forget that it is foreshadowed throughout our life; dying is woven into the very fiber of our life from its inception. The voice of faith reassures us that we need not fear death but at the same time, because we are human, we can still be anxious about the circumstances of our death. Not knowing what the future may hold, we do not want to give up all the opportunities and gifts around us. When it is time for us to leave this world, it is fitting that we should want to die in a way that is meaningful, even beautiful and inspiring—for us and for all those we love.
In the dying process, there is still a great scope for personal choice and responsibility: How we face the mysteries of suffering, dying, and death makes a critical difference for us and for our loved ones who wish to offer us compassionate support. As stewards of the gift of life, we see every aspect of life and death as part of a larger picture and part of our ongoing relationship with God and neighbor.
Dying patients and their caregivers have the right and responsibility to determine whether a particular means of treatment is necessary. If, in consultation with their physician, they rightly judge a treatment to be useless or unduly burdensome, patients are free to undergo the treatment or to forgo it. When death is clearly inevitable and close at hand, a patient or caregiver can make the decision to forgo aggressive medical treatment which would impose an excessive burden on patient and family. In such cases, the Church particularly encourages pain management and hospice care for the dying. Further, patients and their caregivers have a legitimate right to insist on the best and most effective pain management and treatment to minimize suffering. One may even legitimately choose to relieve pain by use of medications which may have the unfortunate side effect of decreasing consciousness or shortening one’s life, if this is done with the intent of relieving pain, and no other means are available to serve this goal. This is very different from the direct intention to take life, as in euthanasia.
As family and friends gather around a dying person, powerful and mysterious gifts often emerge—reconciliation and healing where once there had been brokenness and division; peace and acceptance for all that has been; and the opportunity to express gratitude for a life well-lived. For such things to happen, we need time and the presence of supportive family and friends. These gifts cannot come to fruition when someone dies all alone in a motel room or in the back of a parked van.
No human being has absolute control over his or her own life; God alone has dominion over all creation. Since many aspects of life exceed our immediate control, we have to learn to accept gracefully the limitations imposed by time and circumstances, relationships and commitments, economic realities and other factors. We find peace of mind and heart precisely when we come to terms with the fact that life is a mystery, a gift from God, a blessing over which we do not have complete control.
We are born into a social network, a family of one kind or another, and various communities. Our life story is interwoven with those of our families and communities; we are accountable to them as well as to God. Our individual identity and rights do not separate us from others but should call us into greater communion and solidarity with them.
Even when we are dependent on medical staff, family and friends, we still have much to give to others. Silently but dramatically, dying persons remind us of our ultimate human vocation and destiny; in their absolute dependence, they teach us that being, matters more than doing.
Facing our inevitable death, we recognize our ultimate solidarity with every other person. Dying and death are not the final separation from others, but rather something all human beings have in common. No matter what other differences may separate us, in dying we enter into the fullness of human solidarity.
My life is a great blessing and gift; I trust that God who gave it to me will not desert me.
I am a part of a great family of humanity; how I choose to live and die influences the life and destiny of my brothers and sisters.
I will enter the dying process with all its mysteries with trust in God and in solidarity with my brothers and sisters; I will die with the dignity of letting myself be loved unconditionally.
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